hmm

I don't think we are going to make it! We went to have a couple of drinks tonite and it already felt a little emotional some of the comments he was making right after my second drink I felt it was time to go he went to the restroom and I felt he was in there for a couple of minutes to long he came out shaking his head alittle I knew something was wrong when we got outside he told me the ow called his phone but didn't leave a message. This is supposedly the first time in a month that she has tried to call him.
Okay I handled it badly. But not at first I said somethings I can't remember exactly but the jist of it was that I wanted him to hand me his phone when we got home and let me call her ( I have never contacted her yet) and tell her to stop trying to contact my h. He refused so then I told him to call in front of me and tell her to stop calling him. He refused! And then that's whe things got ugly on part!!! I'm so pissed off!!!
My h tells me he is giving us everything he's got. Its a lie!!! I can feel him holding back. He basically told me his pride is more important then me. You see that's why he wouldn't give me his phone because he didn't want the call to look like he's lettuing his w call her!!
I told him last night I forgive him for everything it actually felt quite liberating! its crazy I'm the victim of this crap! And I'm the one doing the forgiving and apologizing.
Also towards the end he was going to leave. He keeps telling me if you want me to leave I will. You see I think in his head if I make him leave then I'm the one that wanted things to be over. I do want this to be over! I want to move on with my life but he doesn't know what he wants. He knows he's supposed to be with me and the kids but he doesn't want to be here. I wish there was a magic button that could make all of this go away!! Its been 9 weeks and it doesn't feel like anything is getting betterm
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