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Update: So today we went to get and ultrasound to find out what the baby is. Its a girl, which he wanted. Afterwords, we got in an argument about how I'm leaving and taking his child away from him. He is basically making me look like the bad guy. I told him that I won't stick around while he is still talking to this OW. We live with his parents right now, so the only place I have to go is with my family in Colorado. He told me that he would stop talking to her FOR NOW, until the baby is born so that I don't leave. I asked him to call her in front of me so I know he's not lying. Well he's not willing to do that. He wants to tell her in person this weekend when he goes to her city for work. He will be there for three days, and I am pretty sure he will be with her all three days every chance he gets. I'm not sure I believe him about the whole no contact thing. If anything they will just be more discrete. I have told him if I find out that he contacts her even once after he supposedly tells her, I will leave. What do you all think about this?
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I think this is a terrible idea.
Two reasons: one, he notified you that he intends to continue his affair. Two, he is not allowing you to be part of his communication with this Other Woman.
Someone above wrote that 'he wants out'. This statement fits pretty much every affair, so its nearly irrelevant, but it does allude to something important:
You husband is having an affair, he is not thinking normally. His thought processes have been 'short-circuited' by the zing of his affair. He is in a deep fog, and what he says has to be taken with a grain or seventeen of salt. Until the affair ends, he will not be thinking straight.
You ask, 'how long will this affair last?' Strangely enough, the answer is 'till it ends.' That isn't to be ridiculous: it's to get you to consider options.
1) ALL affairs end when the marriage ends. When the marriage ends, the relationship is no longer an affair. So, if you divorce, the affair ends.
2) Most affairs die on their own over time. That means you could sit and wait until it ends. The biggest problem here is that unless you find out WHY the affair happened in the first place, you will most likely see a repeat performance, which could be far worse than this one. The question you should ask yourself is, do you want to save your marriage.
3) If the answer is 'I DO want to save my marriage' then you need to do what you can to help that affair end. (This is also 'when an affair ends') In this case, you'll need to start taking some direct, deliberate steps to bring this about.
We use
seven steps to bring about the end of an affair: you have already been through the first two: consider starting at step three.
Be ready for a fight - but never fight with your husband! Fight FOR your marriage - right now you'll be the only one doing it. This site has lots of people who are happy to help you. (There are also lots of people who would be happy to help you end your marriage) - just pick the ones you want to listen to!
Help is here (no guarantees - but the end result is worth it anyway!)
