Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Is it really possible to fall back in love??

MarriedWifeInLove · 10-05-2010, 02:26 PM

Do you really believe you are "out of love."

I'm not sure if you really are. After many years of marriage, that giddy, dating, just falling in love, honeymoon period is not feasible to retain long-term. People grow, they change, our priorities shift, etc., and for long-term marriages we move into a mature-love type of marriage.

Yes, we're comfortable, may take each other for granted, etc., but have we fallen out of love - not necessarily.

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years and no, we're not giddy and like a just-married couple, but what we have a mature, comfortable, we know we love each other married husband and wife. He is like a good, worn out pair of shoes that I just can't throw away because I feel so good when I put them on. Maybe a bad analogy, but how I feel.

Maybe you need to ask yourself if you truly are "not in love" with him anymore. If he was to walk out tomorrow, what would you miss?

If that list isn't easy to come by and isn't long, then maybe you're right - you're not in love anymore and he is just a comfortable pair of worn-out shoes. If that list is easy to make and very long, then maybe you're just in a rut - or maybe you are going through a mid-life crisis and questioning your life (which includes your marriage).

You mentioned he is now buying you presents and wish he had done it 25 years ago. Are you maybe trying to recapture the past and good times and maybe missing the good times that are happening in the here and now? We all want to go back to our past and relive those good times, but we can't. What we can do is focus on today and making our future better - quit dwelling on what was and what might have been - live for today and if you want things to be better in the future - then make it happen - its all within your control.

Bottom line - be thankful for what you have today and what you will have tomorrow, quit living in the past as you can't change it and change how your future turns out. And - figure out once and for all if you are really "out of love" or just bored and in a rut.

Good luck!

10-05-2010, 02:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
MarriedWifeInLove Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 2,038	Re: Is it really possible to fall back in love?? Do you really believe you are "out of love." I'm not sure if you really are. After many years of marriage, that giddy, dating, just falling in love, honeymoon period is not feasible to retain long-term. People grow, they change, our priorities shift, etc., and for long-term marriages we move into a mature-love type of marriage. Yes, we're comfortable, may take each other for granted, etc., but have we fallen out of love - not necessarily. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years and no, we're not giddy and like a just-married couple, but what we have a mature, comfortable, we know we love each other married husband and wife. He is like a good, worn out pair of shoes that I just can't throw away because I feel so good when I put them on. Maybe a bad analogy, but how I feel. Maybe you need to ask yourself if you truly are "not in love" with him anymore. If he was to walk out tomorrow, what would you miss? If that list isn't easy to come by and isn't long, then maybe you're right - you're not in love anymore and he is just a comfortable pair of worn-out shoes. If that list is easy to make and very long, then maybe you're just in a rut - or maybe you are going through a mid-life crisis and questioning your life (which includes your marriage). You mentioned he is now buying you presents and wish he had done it 25 years ago. Are you maybe trying to recapture the past and good times and maybe missing the good times that are happening in the here and now? We all want to go back to our past and relive those good times, but we can't. What we can do is focus on today and making our future better - quit dwelling on what was and what might have been - live for today and if you want things to be better in the future - then make it happen - its all within your control. Bottom line - be thankful for what you have today and what you will have tomorrow, quit living in the past as you can't change it and change how your future turns out. And - figure out once and for all if you are really "out of love" or just bored and in a rut. Good luck!