Originally Posted by lobokies
NC depends on the cheaters. if they still cant keep away from OM/OW, this will not work. and seems like scalpel wife will not keep away to other guys.
Actually, No Contact is dependent upon the desire of both spouses to begin work on the marriage. A person who is willing to write a No Contact letter to their lover, and then give that letter to their spouse, who then reads it for content, and then mails that letter (the cheater does NOT send the letter) is a person who is ending the affair. They are no longer cheating. The purpose of the No Contact letter is to effectively cut off any hope of re-establishing the relationship (it is worded in such a way as to sever ties). That is why we offer sample letters as a guideline.
It is an extremely effective tool.
It is part of three non-negotiable conditions that the loyal spouse offers to the cheater as grounds for re-establishing the marriage.
It cannot effectively be used without the other two conditions.
Moreover, it is no guarantee that cheating may not occur in the future. Nothing
can guarantee that - for ANY one. But is is an end to the current affair.
How the problems in the marriage are addressed once that affair ends is the solution to the affair trouble.
Moreover, the problem is NEVER that a person "can't" stay away from the Other Person. The problem is that sometimes people WILL not. Can't is not a possibility. And in nearly every case I've seen, the reason for a repeat is because the original troubles within the marriage have not been solved. As long as the trouble (whatever it is) remains, the possibility of choosing an affair as a solution remains.
So if you've seen No Contact fail - look a little deeper. It is most likely the case that one or two of the OTHER conditions have not been applied (hence the reason we call them 'non-negotiable').
Either that, or the No Contact letter was actually a 'we'd better stop for a while - things are heating up' letter. Hence the reason the Loyal spouse, and not the cheater, mail the letter.
In any event, this does not answer my question: you wrote
i read many experiences of affair which showed that NC letter worked beyond expectation.
The expectation of a no contact letter is that it results in 'no' contact. What is beyond
'no' contact - never any contact? I'd be curious to hear of an example of a no contact letter that went beyond ending contact and instead resulted in 'never having been any contact'. Seems completely impossible to me.