Quote:
Originally Posted by evenow
If I remember correctly, aren't you already in a shared house and thinking about moving? Way too many things on your plate to consider having someone else move in.
This may sound a little radical, but why on earth do YOU have to find a solution? She's a grown woman! She wants to live with you, tough. She needs to find other arrangements. Your husband doesn't like it? Who exactly is he married to? Who does he want to spend the rest of his life with? If that answer is his mother, then by all means let her move in and you can move on to someone else who has cut their apron strings.
You may look like a terrible meanie, but you'll be a sane one. Besides, you and your husband need space to work on your relationship. That would be impossible with his MOM in the house. If he's unable to side with you and stand up for you while they live elsewhere, your life will be hell if you allow his family to move in. If he develops the ability to create boundaries and stand up to his family, treat the two of you as a unit, listen to your concerns and act on them in a manner that makes YOU, yes YOU comfortable--then and only then should you even consider allowing his mother to move in.
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i feel like printing your post and kindly offering my husband a read... or simpler, pasting this in an email and forwarding it to him. like some kind of wake up call you know.
his mother has a friend with whom she can live here in the uk, but seemingly doesn't want to. she'd rather live with us. and yes you are right, my husband and i are currently living in a shared house, but in the event that the mother lives with us, we will be moving to a flat, so it'll be just the three of us (that's how it used to be before i returned to homeland for visa renewal purposes... and it was hell).
taking your advice as well as Kajira's into consideration, there is some groundwork to do before i can even think of her coming to live with us. but to be completely honest, his mother simply makes me unhappy, and even if my husband manages to work on standing up for me and supporting me when it comes to his parents, i still don't want to compromise and live with her. i'm tired of making certain compromises, and this is one i am absolutely not ready to make anymore. it's just too tiring and makes me miserable.
in my times of darkest despair (or maybe calm lucidity... it's hard to say) i've told myself that if things don't work out and my husband refuses to compromise for the sake of my and our happiness, i can always move to a place of MY OWN and live alone and try to work things out for myself. i apprehend the pain that will cause to me... but deep down inside, i know that it is an option i have in the event that things don't work out.