midwestshopgrl

Well, I think I have finally gotten the last bit of brutal honesty that I apparantly needed in order to do something about my pathetic life. Last night my husband finally did something that he says he would have gone to his grave with and that is tell me that he doesnt want to be with me and that he never wanted to be with me. I know that I am not a perfect person but I honestly only wanted us to be closer and have a better marriage. I am an affectionate person and have only ever tried to show him love and affection. When he rejects me i get mad and of course have said things that i should not have but NEVER have I just woken up and said "hey I just dont want to be with you anymore and I want a divorce!" Yes, over an 18 year marriage i have asked him to leave during many of the heated fights that we have had and yes he has done the same to me, but somehow I am the villian here! Somehow I am the one who cant be trusted! He has the affairs and Im the one who is not trusted! How is that possible!!! Anyway, I think it is time for me to stop trying to be in and have a relationship with a man that for years has beaten around the bush about his real feelings or lack thereof for me and set him free! Most people would have gotten the hint after years of rejection and affairs, but I guess I just needed to hear those dreaded words so that my heart would finally be able to say enough is enough. I just dont understand how giving yourself so completely has backfired so badly! I cant believe that I have made this man so unhappy!