| | Re: Confused about relationship
Hi kya--I don't know about any real good advice I can give, but I will tell you some of my story with ex-loves. I was once married to the love of my life, very passionate and loving. We were very close like you and your ex. Some circumstances happened in our relationship, and we were just too young to deal with them emotionally. We still loved each other very much but ended the relationship eventually. We moved on to other relationships, but somewhat remained in contact and still had the feeling of love between us, but could not leave the relationships we were in. We had always thought that we would get back together sometime in the future. That future never happened as he died this past Feb. He was only 37.
I don't mean to scare you or make you feel you should leave your husband for your ex, but I just wanted you to be aware that if you truly love your ex...with all your heart, you may have a regret later in life that you did not get that chance to be with him. I don't pretend to understand religion, but truly loving someone is a blessing and religion should not stand between someone's happiness.
Your husband is your friend and you do not want to hurt him. I can understand that, I am in the same situation with mine. I don't want to hurt him, yet I am not truly happy either. We don't have sex, we are just friends. I want the love i had with my first husband. Had I known what the future held I think I would of held onto him and made sure that I made that marriage work, I don't have that opportunity now and I will live with the regret forever.
I guess the best advice that would be seen as 'proper' would be to work on the marriage. You made a vow, and are expected to keep it. If this is more important to you than the feelings you have for your ex... then you need to break any contact with the ex. Staying in contact with him will damage your marriage even further.
When it comes to matters of the heart nothing is 'black and white.' Only you know what your heart is saying. I know it is not any fun dealing with the conflict of mind and heart, I've done it for yrs! Right and wrong are never as simple when dealing with love.
If I were to be able to look back and tell myself advice when going through all the turmoil, I would have told myself to follow my heart, and that would of led me back to my first H. But that is ME, if you want to fight for your marriage then do so, that is the 'right' thing.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your heart leads you to the right place.