Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Doll · 10-02-2008, 03:51 PM

My husband and I have been married for six years. I entered this marriage not knowing he had serious depression and a huge problem with pornography. It was really hard to deal with his depression. He would sit in a dark room and just be depressed. He refused to take medicine for it. This lasted for a few years and he got better. But the pornography was always there. I would go to bed and ask him to come with me, but instead he would stay up really late and I'm sure looking at porn. I was naive until one day I found stuff on his computer. I comfronted him many times about the porn addiction and urged him to seek help. He would just not do it. He learned then to delete every website he had been. But I could sense it anyways. We never agreed on important subjects such as money, buying a house, having kids, church, friends. He would be very defensive when I asked him to speak my love language and when I asked him to read the Bible and pray with me. It has been the hardest six years of my life. I have cried myself to sleep and begged God for help for so long now. I became a sad, bitter person. I really tried hard for my marriage to improve. I caught him masturbating and looking at porn. He lied to me about it and deleted everything again. He said " I was doing that because I was feeling pressure". Some months ago I found tons of porn on his computer from the night before. Besides that I found out, by one little detail he forgot to delete, that he had been sending emails to hookers on craigslist and other websites. After that, I left him. I don't think I love him anymore. Actually, I don't think I ever did 100%. I am weary from all the problems. He is desperatly trying to get me back to him. He says he has got help about the addiction and that he will do anything I want. He's been trying to manipulate me so much, I can't even start describing it. I'm happy away from him. But I just feel guilty as a Christian woman who married for life. As a woman of God, I should stick to my marriage and fight for it. But as a human being, I tend to seek what's best for myself and I don't think that is going back to my husband.

Sorry for the long post. Any comments will be much appreciated. Thanks.

10-02-2008, 03:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Doll Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 4	Christian woman unsure My husband and I have been married for six years. I entered this marriage not knowing he had serious depression and a huge problem with pornography. It was really hard to deal with his depression. He would sit in a dark room and just be depressed. He refused to take medicine for it. This lasted for a few years and he got better. But the pornography was always there. I would go to bed and ask him to come with me, but instead he would stay up really late and I'm sure looking at porn. I was naive until one day I found stuff on his computer. I comfronted him many times about the porn addiction and urged him to seek help. He would just not do it. He learned then to delete every website he had been. But I could sense it anyways. We never agreed on important subjects such as money, buying a house, having kids, church, friends. He would be very defensive when I asked him to speak my love language and when I asked him to read the Bible and pray with me. It has been the hardest six years of my life. I have cried myself to sleep and begged God for help for so long now. I became a sad, bitter person. I really tried hard for my marriage to improve. I caught him masturbating and looking at porn. He lied to me about it and deleted everything again. He said " I was doing that because I was feeling pressure". Some months ago I found tons of porn on his computer from the night before. Besides that I found out, by one little detail he forgot to delete, that he had been sending emails to hookers on craigslist and other websites. After that, I left him. I don't think I love him anymore. Actually, I don't think I ever did 100%. I am weary from all the problems. He is desperatly trying to get me back to him. He says he has got help about the addiction and that he will do anything I want. He's been trying to manipulate me so much, I can't even start describing it. I'm happy away from him. But I just feel guilty as a Christian woman who married for life. As a woman of God, I should stick to my marriage and fight for it. But as a human being, I tend to seek what's best for myself and I don't think that is going back to my husband. Sorry for the long post. Any comments will be much appreciated. Thanks.