This is my first post of many I hope as I do not know where else to turn or what else to do. I have been with my hubby for 10 years, married for 8. I have a 12 yr old with my first hubby, an 8 year old and a 6 year old. My hubby has been laid off work for over a year. I work full time and go to school online. We rent a house which is in need of fixing up and our landlords won’t help, but they will not raise our rent either so we are stuck there. I’m writing today because I am not sure what else I can do to try to save my marriage. My hubby is an alcoholic and I have lost that fight time and time again. He is depressed because he just lost his father in August. He plays computer games and chats on Facebook most of the day while I am at work and when I get home for most of the evening. He doesn’t really do anything around the house and the kids to him are on his last nerve. There has been physical abuse in the past and verbal abuse still happens when he gets drunk at times. I know I am sure most are saying to walk out, but I am trying all that I can to save my marriage and keep my house as one. We are strangers in the same house lately. We don’t really talk, he does not care about my job and I do not care about his computer games or who is talks to. We are not interested in anything that each other are interested in. He is out doorsey and I am not. I like my family time and he isn’t too much into the family times because the kids normally fight. I am tired of feeling like I am not loved and cared about. I have put up with a lot from him thru the years and I feel that he should be the one fighting for us and he is not. He states to me that he is tired of talking about changes and nothing happens. He said that he is not sure what he wants and he doesn’t know if he wants to put for the effort. I feel that I am the bottom of his list the majority of the time. When I do not like something he tells me to get over it. In my opinion he is very selfish and I feel that I am running around and freaking out all the time trying to keep my family together. He will not go to counseling. He says our issues are sex (I’m not into enough for him and he only touches me when he wants sex and I have a problem only feeling wanted when he wants sex). We had sex last night that I initiated and he didn’t orgasm he just stopped in the middle of it but I felt that he tried to fake it but there was no “after math” his excuse was his heading was ponding. He says he needs his freedom from the kids and time to himself, he says that I pry too much into his personal stuff. I feel that there should be nothing to keep from me and the last time I pried and read an email message from Facebook from a girl he knew back in the day and I confronted him about it since then he has changed all his pass codes as have I. I am really tired of the games and the pointing of fingers and I just want to be happy but I am not sure how to make that happen anymore. HELP!
