| | Re: Helpless Near the Chesapeake
Chesapeake. My story is similar to yours. My wife checked out years ago but I didn't figure it out until one night I kind of forced it out of her. We'd lost the intimacy in our marriage (3+years) and I was trying to fix it. It didn't go so well. She admited, more to get me off of her back than anything, that she didn't love me any more because of some abusive tendancies I showed.
In the intervening 6 months I have come to the realization that she's not coming back. Oh, she sleeps here and eats here and spends time with her kids here, but I'm not her husband. I'm not even her friend. Things can go great for weeks but one little thing will remind her of the man she doesn't like and it all goes back to square 1. And why should she love me? She doesn't love the man that abused her for years.
OK, like you the realization was the hardest slap I'd ever received. It woke me up. Seeing what I've lost will cause me to never act that way again. It's been 6 months or more. I've changed. But into what? The person she fell in love with 20 years ago? No, I've changed, remember? I'm a different person. Does that automatically mean she's going to love this new person? Especially since she knows this person's history?
Sorry, I have no advice. I don't have a positive response for you either. No encouragement. Maybe that's why you didn't have any responses in the 24 hours since you posted this. No sucess stories. And you are hardly the first one here with a wife who's walked away. Nobody's got a sucess story to tell. Because they think all you want is good news, they're not responding.
Here's where I start making my money. I make bets with all of the posters who will tell you I'm wrong. Fight for your marriage. Fight for your wife. She CAN come back if you work hard enough. I'm even giving 3-1 odds this week.
I've never seen it happen. The best advice you can get right now is start fixing yorself and your life for YOU. You and your kids. Get healthy. Start finishing projects you've put aside. Get out more w/o your roomate, er...wife more often. Live life for you. Sure, it may be your fault that she left, but you can't change the past. You took your vows, screwed up, but now you are trying to fix things. If she can't come along, it's her fight. Sorry, but you have a family to heal.