Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Mal74 · 10-31-2010, 08:31 AM

Separate from all the commentary about whether your husband is "too nice," a dull lover, or whatever else, I would invite you to consider that you are also having a natural reaction to making a big commitment (i.e., marriage). The natural reaction, whenever we find ourselves "trapped," is to want out. You see this when people make big purchases; it's called "buyer's remorse."

It's up to you to choose to be committed. The thing about marriage is that we think that somehow the commitment ceremony will seal the deal, and that after that somehow we'll be transformed. Then we're surprised when we have thoughts like, "I sure do miss all the passionate sex I used to have," and we think that having these thoughts means, by definition, that something is wrong with the marriage.

The truth is that these thoughts are totally normal and natural. They're exactly like clouds: they come and go. The secret most people don't seem to understand about marriage is that you choose it, and you create it, every single day.

While you might find in time that there are serious issues in your marriage that require a lot of effort or that even threaten it in a fundamental way, right now I think you should just relax and recognize that the thoughts you're having are normal and natural. Nothing's wrong with you, and you married a great guy. Be happy. Watch the clouds come and go.

10-31-2010, 08:31 AM	#8 (permalink)
Mal74 Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 162	Re: anxious on my honeymoon Separate from all the commentary about whether your husband is "too nice," a dull lover, or whatever else, I would invite you to consider that you are also having a natural reaction to making a big commitment (i.e., marriage). The natural reaction, whenever we find ourselves "trapped," is to want out. You see this when people make big purchases; it's called "buyer's remorse." It's up to you to choose to be committed. The thing about marriage is that we think that somehow the commitment ceremony will seal the deal, and that after that somehow we'll be transformed. Then we're surprised when we have thoughts like, "I sure do miss all the passionate sex I used to have," and we think that having these thoughts means, by definition, that something is wrong with the marriage. The truth is that these thoughts are totally normal and natural. They're exactly like clouds: they come and go. The secret most people don't seem to understand about marriage is that you choose it, and you create it, every single day. While you might find in time that there are serious issues in your marriage that require a lot of effort or that even threaten it in a fundamental way, right now I think you should just relax and recognize that the thoughts you're having are normal and natural. Nothing's wrong with you, and you married a great guy. Be happy. Watch the clouds come and go.