kajira

I don’t know what to do. My husband greatly wants to work things out, but I just feel I can’t. As bad as things were/are I have never talked to a lawyer. I had suggested that perhaps he should find his own place in hopes of inflicting change. Nevertheless, he is the one who filed for divorce and I found out by accident doing some research on the web for a friend. I had to tell him I knew, he never told me. Here is my dilemma, with him filing and him having the affair, I feel like I can’t work through it. He keeps saying, referring to the affair, “well it wasn’t all the time” or “it has been over for 10 months” like that should make it ok. He only shows emotion on rare occasion (tears in his eyes). I do love him but there is a part of me that wants to be free.

To complicate matters, he has had three back surgeries in the past year. He was dealing with worker’s compensation, which he now has to sue. The whole thing is just a mess. If I leave he has no way of supporting himself or the kids that want to stay (My father’s health is in turmoil and I am needed back home in Oregon, currently in Oklahoma).

I feel like my life is in total limbo. I can’t win for loosing. If I stay I am giving up the opportunity to be happy and settling for the sake of others…………….everyday it is the same thing……feeling like my life is going nowhere….

Thanks for listening…..it must just be one of those days.