Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: florida usa
| | Re: New Wife Is Becoming Extremely Religious
Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. We dated for nearly 7 years before that and have been best friends since day one. (interesting…on many levels...7yrs & “best friends”)
Just before our marriage she started getting in touch with her spirituality which I assumed was a phase.(u underestimated spirituality eh?) I am a believer and go to church regularly. (so? is it “alive?”)I had great parents who were christians but didn't go to church.(why not? do tell, even tho’ u r biased) They truly were wonderful people with a lot of success and friends. My wife's parents weren't so lucky. Her mother committed suicide when my wife was young and her father was never the same being reclusive and having a bad gambling problem amongst other things. He is a nice guy but isn't all there in my opinion.
I really don't have a problem with my wifes spiritual journey and in fact I support her to a degree. (wow, how big of u man…as u say u r “Christian”?)At this point she is choosing not to participate in Holloween or Christmas. This has really shocked me and I am angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions(she is the one who should be “angry, upset, confused…” wouldn’t u agree if u were reading this as another Christian person? OMG! NO Halloween “support” wah-wah-wah…ridiculous indeed!)
This is brand new for her. Never in the past 8 years has it been any kind of issue. She won't carve a pumpkin with me, she won't help me put up a christmas tree, etc. (so? see wah-wah as above)
I encouraged her to go talk to her pastor and he put her in her place by telling her she's being a little bit out of line following these crazy extreme views of christianity and now she's ignoring him(why not? she’s entitled to, no? maybe her pastor is weak/wacked/worldly himself, who knows but God)(not me/you/her)
may seem very trivial and stupid but the Holidays were an extremely bright time in my life growing up (like many of us) and I want my kids to have the same when they grow up. Unfortunately I can't imagine moving forward and having kids knowing that she'll be trying to instill this same (in my view extreme) view of christianity(gee, I guess u wont be multiplying anytime soon)
really don't know what to do. She continues to talk to her father whom in my opinion is nobody to be handing out life advice. I just don't where to go from here.
We have had discussion after discussion and fight after fight about this issue but it's going nowhere.
(see bold/underlined…u as a“Christian” can PERCEIVE why, right?)
I ‘m being coy but really I’m not convinced yer W is so wrong here. Many a Christian family refuses to participate(if not all) in historically pagan activities based on the Holy Spirit (= H>S> from hereon out) revealing/teaching them so, despite what others including pastors think. If she can show scripture(s), then she must be respected for her conviction(s), not chastised as “extreme.”
I assume u have likewise for yer case? All Christians are not at the same growth levels. if u were aware of this, u’d be more patient/understanding/inquisitive about the whole matter anyhow, & not trying to ENFORCE yer view only. She may SEE you as extreme, or u as worldly, weak/wishy-washy, u dig? Ironically, she may be right and ahead of u as she at least
is zealous for God. As Christians, we should listen at least to what other Christians have to say, and seriously consider their input b4 we arbitrarily reject it. Maybe u r right in yer concerns of how far she may go, dunno but, as I read u here, I’m not convinced. sorry.
Maybe you should sit her down and have her explain her convictions. There may be some legalism involved. Explain to her that the Pharisees and scribes followed Levitical laws which were their own made up laws. They decided they needed to add extra clauses to the law of Moses. Some of those things were nuts-- like tying shoes on a Sunday. (don’t know if he can handle Leviticus tho’)
anyway, when some grow in the faith there can be difficulty with the balance between reliance on grace and legalism. Halloween is considered a pagan holiday, so I see where she's coming from on that one. Could you compromise with her in painting a pumpkin rather than carving one? I could be wrong, but I don't think there are any pagan rituals in painting pumpkins. Maybe make some sugar cookies and get pumpkin cutouts and let the kids decorate them? She could even call it "fall festivities".(that’s weak/false/legalistic of u too…lol. u know better, c’mon now…carving vs. painting…sheeeeesh)
n terms of Christmas, I know some who do the three gifts like the wise men brought. Would she agree to that? What about putting some religious ornaments on the tree? (lukewarm, maybe accepted by her, mb not)
yway, I think the important thing here is to allow her to grow in her faith but to keep a close eye on legalism or cult-like beliefs. She's probably just wavering right now trying to find her convictions in different areas. Hang in there. (now yer warming up, “growing in faith” in the positive sense)
I never knew this but it's where a person becomes soooooo obsessed with doing everything the right way (sex, sin, conduct) that they almost become "Holier than Thou" (gee, not ever a Christian, lol). It's a different form of radicalism, as opposed to som forms of radicalism within Islam as an example. God is supposed to unite, not cause conflict. (that’s a bogus statement as clearly seen by good vs. evil in all facets of life. Only if we are talking an assembly of Christians can we talk “unite;” and this too is hard to attain/keep.)
The point of this sin is from Catholicism, I think, is that sin is a natural part of life, just like getting dirty when you are a kid - you are going to do it and just come clean regularly. To obsess with things like Halloween smacks of scruples. (not necessarily so. if/when the H>S> convicts u of something, let us know and see how many folk mock/judge u as xtreme/legalistic/scrupulous etc.
I am not sure of the doctrine she subscribes to but religiosity is to not be tolerated (or shouldn't be) from any doctrine. I understand your frustration.(let her come speak/write for herself, then maybe we all can show better discernment on this matter. For it is as u wrote: “I am not sure….”)
“As for me and my house…” we give out candy to any kids who come but we don’t decorate, like most
other folk do. I notice Halloween has become so popular that it seems people go all out for it more so
than any other holiday, including Christmas. hmmm, I wonder why.
Now if the H>S> convicts me not to do the candy bit, u think I care what u or anyone else thinks? including my W, my pastor, my Mom etc???