Originally Posted by nice777guy
What would be so bad about a separation?
Separation feels like I'd have to admit I'd made a lot of mistakes, not the least of which includes getting married. It feels like giving up. People in the US don't really treat you like an adult until you're married and I know at some level I'd feel like I "wasn't ready" to be an "adult" even though "I'm pretty sure my wife doesn't like me" would be more accurate. IOW I'd be looked down upon and dishonored. etc. Not only that but while I'm not religious I didn't grow up believing that separation or divorce were okay.
IOW, it's not my "feelings" for my wife so much as my personal values here.
Also we are in tight circumstances financially. I'm hesitant to separate with my wife having spent about $3500 on my credit card and withdrawn from my IRA.
OTOH I remembered hearing The Master of Chick Lit Elizabeth Gilbert say something like "Most women don't want to be married, they want to be brides" and worried that was what was happening to me... I felt like my wife agreed to marry me b/c her friends were getting married and she couldn't wait to cross that off her "Awesome Life" checklist... In my gut I felt like my wife had rejected me at some level from the day we met. So yes I feel torn, because I know part of that feeling is my own paranoia, these are worries I have had since being about 13. Obviously a lot that's actually a problem is my fault. But my wife's refusal to participate fairly, her lack of patience, has really shown me that there's a lot on her shoulders, too.