Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - She says she loves someone else what to do

827Aug · 10-08-2008, 08:29 PM

What sort of things is she wanting you to change about yourself? This could be a superficial thing with her, since she is seeing another guy. Basically he is "good" and you are "bad" in her eyes right now. In other words she sees no flaws in the other guy YET. So, before you go changing things about yourself make sure they are "real" obstacles and not just her excuses. That was a hard lesson for me to learn after my husband and I separated. Although I cried after one of our counseling sessions, I'm now laughing about it. The counselor ask each of us to present our list of each others faults. I presented my list of two or three faults with my husband first. Next me gave his list. It had eight or nine faults that were really superficial. In essences they were nothing more than excuses for leaving (& it turned into mostly a rant). I endured the nasty list down to Item #9 and I just had to laugh. Item #9--she has no self esteem. At that point I turned to the counselor and laughingly said, "With a list like his, who would have any self esteem left?" Don't go changing things about yourself unless there is truly a need.

I'll say it again; read the book. You'll understand your relationship much better.

10-08-2008, 08:29 PM	#12 (permalink)
827Aug Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Southern USA Posts: 651	Re: She says she loves someone else what to do What sort of things is she wanting you to change about yourself? This could be a superficial thing with her, since she is seeing another guy. Basically he is "good" and you are "bad" in her eyes right now. In other words she sees no flaws in the other guy YET. So, before you go changing things about yourself make sure they are "real" obstacles and not just her excuses. That was a hard lesson for me to learn after my husband and I separated. Although I cried after one of our counseling sessions, I'm now laughing about it. The counselor ask each of us to present our list of each others faults. I presented my list of two or three faults with my husband first. Next me gave his list. It had eight or nine faults that were really superficial. In essences they were nothing more than excuses for leaving (& it turned into mostly a rant). I endured the nasty list down to Item #9 and I just had to laugh. Item #9--she has no self esteem. At that point I turned to the counselor and laughingly said, "With a list like his, who would have any self esteem left?" Don't go changing things about yourself unless there is truly a need. I'll say it again; read the book. You'll understand your relationship much better.