Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Why won't he suddenly STEP UP to make a positive change?

sisters359 · 11-14-2010, 10:23 AM

I didn't realize my first post had posted. But, it is clear you are having trouble with the message: his vagueness, etc., is b/c he does NOT really want those things he says he does; he likes the status quo and doesn't want things to change. Quit listening to what he says and look at what he's done--or NOT done, actually. That is a much clearer message and you do not want to see it for what it is.

You can threaten to leave, issue an ultimatum, and scare him into a commitment--only to find the date isn't set, it gets change, etc., etc. Or you can threaten to leave, issue an ultimatum, and elope--only to have him regret that later on. You need to break clean, give him time to get over his panic and decide if he really, really, REALLy wants what he says he wants, and wants it with YOU.

Too many women have been in your situation for the answer to be anything but this. 2 out of 3 of the possibilities mean you will not have him in your life--but if he does not really, really want you in his life, like you want him, you are better off that way, finding someone who does.

It's unlikely that anyone here will tell you anything different. Good luck, though.

11-14-2010, 10:23 AM	#5 (permalink)
sisters359 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: SE Wisconsin Posts: 2,471	Re: Why won't he suddenly STEP UP to make a positive change? I didn't realize my first post had posted. But, it is clear you are having trouble with the message: his vagueness, etc., is b/c he does NOT really want those things he says he does; he likes the status quo and doesn't want things to change. Quit listening to what he says and look at what he's done--or NOT done, actually. That is a much clearer message and you do not want to see it for what it is. You can threaten to leave, issue an ultimatum, and scare him into a commitment--only to find the date isn't set, it gets change, etc., etc. Or you can threaten to leave, issue an ultimatum, and elope--only to have him regret that later on. You need to break clean, give him time to get over his panic and decide if he really, really, REALLy wants what he says he wants, and wants it with YOU. Too many women have been in your situation for the answer to be anything but this. 2 out of 3 of the possibilities mean you will not have him in your life--but if he does not really, really want you in his life, like you want him, you are better off that way, finding someone who does. It's unlikely that anyone here will tell you anything different. Good luck, though.