Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Well, we don't know the whole story of coarse-of your past & how she was, but is this comment THAT outrageous? I am sure she meant no harm by it, more even a compliment to you for being such a good husband.
Maybe I throw words around too easy, not really thinking of their deeper meaning, but I have often said/felt I am "needy" in this area of sex. My husband tells me he likes that ! At one time I was almost in tears feeling like I was some kind of burden (talk about needy!), and he asked me if I was crazy. I guess he is the type of man who loves to feel "Needed". Aren't we all this way - to some extent? I know I love to feel Needed, and if he is Needy, Oh yeah!
Or do these "Good Men" have no use for this type of feeling, don't you love it if your wife is "Needing" you. Does she not like it if you are "Needy" -ever?
Being needy vs. Mercy Sex. I guess you see this as one in the same. I see them a little different. Mercy sex would entail a spouse just going through the motions. Being Needy is just openly showing your spouse what you are made of , sometimes we are weak. Why mask it. I am what I am before him, weakness & all.
Is this so bad for men to do ?? I wish my husband did it more often !!
This is really an excellent question.
I now mask needy feelings because of the poor results I got when they were on display.
I felt bad about me and I've learned her "internal" response was contempt.
Then again, everyone is different.
And, what it likely involves is how good you are at taking care of yourself. And, of course, this doesn't mean masturbation. It can be part of it, of course, but it's way deeper than that.
If we can isolate the parts of our personality where "neediness" emanates, we can administer to ourselves. At that point, we're so unbelieveably attractive to the opposite sex - because we're self-sufficient, competent, and appear to be self-made.
Our partners wish to share in that, so the virtuous cycle starts to turn.
I hope this is clear.
Wolf is right that if a woman starts to feel like your mother, you're on the wrong track. Mothers take care of needy kids.
We play the role of children at our peril.