Originally Posted by Conrad

Simply Amorous,

We marry for so many reasons. Some of which we are aware. Some of which swim through our subconscious.

I could bore you to tears with stories of losing my mother at 18 and a desperate (vain) search to find that sort of support from another human being. The more alienated and distant my ex and I became, the more the rubber band stretched.

When my daughter took a butcher knife to her abdomen on my 44th birthday? That was enough for me. I couldn't imagine the childrens connection with their mother was just as bad as mine.

I was determined to "make things right" for both my daughter and myself. Of course, I doubled down on all the dysfunction I'd brought to the relationship in the first place. And, in my pursuit of "happiness", I became the "nice guy" of which this forum testifies. Suffice it to say, that's in the past.

But, back to our subject.

If I had MORE conflict in my first marriage. If I had the spark between my ex and myself... would I have pulled the plug?

I don't think so.

Because, the spark my wife and I share (in this marriage) has us masturbating (separately) to the image - and touch - of the other one. My wife and I have each confessed this. It's damned near impossible to get the job done thinking of anyone else - so I've stopped trying.

Would I have faced myself had I never encountered her? I am one stubborn teutonic warrior. I can assure you, I would not have EVER figured out my issues without the inferno she's placed in my soul.

How could I possibly ever quit? She sometimes says she thinks I'm a masochist. No, this is how true passion and commitment fuel the human soul.

If you have that, I don't see any possible way to quit.