Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

SadSamIAm · 11-19-2010, 01:11 PM

Eagleclaw .... I feel your pain. I am in the same boat as you, just a little further down the stream. Hopefully you can steer better than I have. I am 47, been married 22 years.

I have spent the last 22 years being a suck up. I thought I was being a good husband and a good partner, but I now know that I was being a doormat.

Most of my days are now spent being scared. Scared that when I come home she will be grumpy. Scared that if I hug her, she will push me away. Scared that if I don't hug her, we will have no affection/relationship. I lie in bed beside her at night scared of reaching out to her because there is a 90% chance she will reject me. Scared to tell her what went on during the day, because she will criticize how I handled something. Scared to give the kids heck for something and scared not to.

I sound like a loser. But I wasn't always this way and I am not a loser anywhere other than my home. I was a very good athlete and captain of many teams including a volleyball team in college. I graduated from high school and college with honors. I have a successful business and am well liked and respected by colleagues. When I go out, I am the life of the party and nobody would believe the way I am in my own home (Except for my children that see how things are). Nobody would believe my wife is the way she is at home either.

I have reached my limit of being scared. For the past 2 weeks I have moved to the guest room. I know that if I was to stay in bed with her, I would be too weak to not reach out to her. I haven't spoken with her and she hasn't spoken with me. This was after three weeks of approaching her and getting rejected and having an argument. Nothing different than what we have been doing for many years.

But I must have reached a limit. I am no longer going to put myself in a place where I am going to be rejected. We have had many fights over the years and it usually starts as me trying to get affection/sex. Goes to where we aren't very nice to each other. Ends with me approaching her. Apologizing for the things I said that weren't too nice. She may eventually admit that she is also to blame because of being so cold to me. She has never once been the one to come to me, to reach out to me.

I really have no idea what is going to happen. She started out not caring that I moved to the guest room. The last couple of days she has shown that she is angry. Not sure if that is a good sign or not. I don't expect her to come to me and I am trying not to reach out to her. I feel like it is over.

11-19-2010, 01:11 PM	#98 (permalink)
SadSamIAm Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 1,341	Re: How to handle rejection... Eagleclaw .... I feel your pain. I am in the same boat as you, just a little further down the stream. Hopefully you can steer better than I have. I am 47, been married 22 years. I have spent the last 22 years being a suck up. I thought I was being a good husband and a good partner, but I now know that I was being a doormat. Most of my days are now spent being scared. Scared that when I come home she will be grumpy. Scared that if I hug her, she will push me away. Scared that if I don't hug her, we will have no affection/relationship. I lie in bed beside her at night scared of reaching out to her because there is a 90% chance she will reject me. Scared to tell her what went on during the day, because she will criticize how I handled something. Scared to give the kids heck for something and scared not to. I sound like a loser. But I wasn't always this way and I am not a loser anywhere other than my home. I was a very good athlete and captain of many teams including a volleyball team in college. I graduated from high school and college with honors. I have a successful business and am well liked and respected by colleagues. When I go out, I am the life of the party and nobody would believe the way I am in my own home (Except for my children that see how things are). Nobody would believe my wife is the way she is at home either. I have reached my limit of being scared. For the past 2 weeks I have moved to the guest room. I know that if I was to stay in bed with her, I would be too weak to not reach out to her. I haven't spoken with her and she hasn't spoken with me. This was after three weeks of approaching her and getting rejected and having an argument. Nothing different than what we have been doing for many years. But I must have reached a limit. I am no longer going to put myself in a place where I am going to be rejected. We have had many fights over the years and it usually starts as me trying to get affection/sex. Goes to where we aren't very nice to each other. Ends with me approaching her. Apologizing for the things I said that weren't too nice. She may eventually admit that she is also to blame because of being so cold to me. She has never once been the one to come to me, to reach out to me. I really have no idea what is going to happen. She started out not caring that I moved to the guest room. The last couple of days she has shown that she is angry. Not sure if that is a good sign or not. I don't expect her to come to me and I am trying not to reach out to her. I feel like it is over.