BrianE

Ok, the gist is she's moving in with her sister for a couple weeks to figure out things. We've been married 10 years and have 2 daughters.

Now as for the details.

I've been a terrible husband and don't know why she's stayed with me this long. Now, I have a terrible memory so a lot of this is what she's told me I've done and some I half remember.

The first few years of our marriage I had terrible anger issues and would release it physically. I've strangled her, hit her, abused her and raped her. I'm not proud of it.

I knew it was a problem and slowly changed and wasn't physical any more. However, over the years it started to become more verbal abuse. I would either verbally abuse her and I started to do things I knew would hurt her, break things she likes, burn pictures, abuse her chihuahua.

I know some of the issues in the marriage I've taken out on the kids. I'll have a short temper b/c of my wife and be to harsh on the kids. I haven't "hit" them but I'll forcefully push them into their room and they get hurt. I've spanked them quit a bit as well.

This year has been over the top for both of us. I don't know exactly when the switch happened b/c it started off good. We were both running together and getting exercise and having fun. I had to get a minor surgery at the end of January and she took good care of me and I made sure she knew that I appreciated it. I slowly started running and working out again and things where fine. Slowly, we seemed to drift apart. I had to have another minor surgery at the end of March and this time she just didn't seem to care.

After that she went into major depression, stopped eating, got down to 95lbs and was in bad shape. What did I do? Nothing, absolutely nothing and just made things worse. She tried to kill herself and not even the hospital would help her. She started going back to her therapist & psychiatrist and I found some for me as well. A lot of it wasn't working for me, mostly finding the right meds that would work. There was also a point we were fighting so bad early in the morning I swolled a lot of her xanax and tried to kill myself. She tried to stop me from going to work but I manage to still get in the car and go to work. I came home and we faught some more, I smashed her computer monitor and then drove to bestbuy and got a new one. All of that day, everything that happened I don't remeber and only remeber a little bit of the following day. During this period of time she didn't think I was changing fast enough and has given up.

She started crushing on a guy at work for several weeks and even told me about it. I was upset but not overly so b/c I'm trying not to do what I would normally do. The meds are slowly working. I know they are b/c even my daughters are wanting to spend more time with me and that's great! Well, I find out she's been taking her breaks at work with him and they would chat all this time and last week he reached out and held her hand and she really liked it. She thought she was falling in love with another man and said she didn't love me anymore and was moving out. The following night she gets home at 2am and wakes me up crying and has something to tell me. He kissed her. Of course I'm emotional but stay calm but with nothing to say for a minute. She says it was a mistake and now knows she has no feelings for him. I hug her and tell her it's alright and we'll get through this.

She's still confused and going to live with her sister for a few weeks and we'll work out schedules with the kids. They'll mostly be with me though bc of stuff and stuff. She still says she doesn't love me and isn't happy. I keep telling her I'm trying to change and make things work, I really am!

Ok, that was kind of long but I wanted to put it all out there and not hold anything back. Is there any hope for us? I've recommended marriage counseling and we're going to start that ASAP. But is there any hope she can over look all the terrible things I've done and come back to me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't though, I can't after what I've put her through.