Believe me, he is not living it up. How does it feel to hurt someone at such a deep level? Like crap. He may be blocking it out (unhealthy) but he is not having a great time right now.
It hurts to have someone we loved and tried so hard to make it work out. Someday you will say, I tried, I really tried everything. That is something to feel good about, you are a loving kind person. 30 is young, I had my second baby at 36, don't stress on that. You have lots of time to find someone of value, someone that will appreciate you and treat you right. He might wake up sometime down the road and realize what he lost. Imagine that, him showing up, telling you he really blew it but you've moved on and eight months pregnant with a good man that loves you to pieces. Could happen.
It is totally within the realm of possibility.
Take care of you, get enough sleep, eat well, treat yourself as kindly as possible. Have faith, don't give up hope in what God has in store for you. He planned you, He loves you and He will be there to help you through these rough times.
