You'll want to kill me for saying this, but at least it sounds like he's consistent.
If you can give me a lot of different examples, then you may have little choice but to accept that its who he is.
Is there any consequence - for him - if you don't find that FSA check? Any way you could back off and let it be his problem?
Could be he didn't look into it because he knew you would.
Originally Posted by ebp123
That's part of the point. The other part, and I didn't mention this before, is that he doesn't "own" what he does. He finds reasons, excuses, anything to deflect when he's done something that isn't good. It drives me crazy and is really what drove the 24 hr fight.
Another example: We participate in dependent care FSA through my work. When a check didn't come in the mail, he asked me to check on it (he handles our bills and said it never came). Called, canceled the check, had a new one issued. That check didn't come, either. And coincidentally, a package that was supposed to come from my SIL didn't arrive, so now I think we have someone going through our mail. I ask my husband if he's absolutely sure he didn't cash it. He says yes, he's absolutely sure. He checked our account and it's not there.
This time I call the FSA company to cancel the check and they said they can't, that someone has cashed it. So, now I REALLY think we have a thief. I call the police. I ask neighbors if they've had anything missing from their mailboxes. I ask the FSA company to send me a scan of the cashed check so I can hand it over to the police. I get the scan and it's my husband's handwriting, "For Deposit Only" on the back.
I log into our checking account and find where he went to the bank and manually deposited the check. I tell him that we have the check, that he cashed it. He doesn't believe me. I send him a screen print of the deposit slip and the scanned check.
At this point, I am expecting an apology from him. It's been two months of calling FSA, canceling checks, going through all this business. But what does he say at the moment he realizes he's sent me on a two month wild goose chase? "I still think there's something wrong with the amount. We should have more in our FSA account than that."
Seriously? He can't apologize? He can't admit what he did?
I could give you a lot of examples like that.