fmort

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years, when we got together we were both coming out of previous marriages. I did a lot of things that damaged our relationship quite a bit, with regards to appeasing my controlling ex.

Back in January my girlfriend got pregnant and things in our relationship got rougher because of the things I had done and her emotions sky rocketed in which she was dealing with major depression and crying every day all day long (for 9 months) One of the reasons is she has felt that I hurt her because not only was I not in love with her, but still in love with my Ex.

I will not deny I did things that I shouldn't have. I, at the time didn't want anymore kids (I already had 2) so I asked her to have an abortion, among some of my reasons I told her my ex would be pissed. Her mother died, and instead of being with her I told her I couldn't due to work, but I ended up going to visit my kids. My Ex had told me that her house is her territory and when I'm there I can't talk to my g/f. So I told my g/f my phone died and that I forgot the charger so I didn't talk to her the entire weekend.

My ex said she wanted to come down and go to an amusement park so I made my g/f go to a hotel and let my ex and kids stay in our apartment, I stayed with them and didn't talk to her while they were here. I also made her pay for it. My G/F has been wanting to leave for a while, but with the pregnancy it was a lot more difficult. I didn't want her to go.

I've since made a lot of changes, she really can't forgive me though. But I'm trying very hard to get her to... And I just don't know how to make it up to her.

One of the troubles we were having is that I wouldn't commit more in the terms of marriage. She didn't want to stay with me if I wasn't planning on spending the rest of my life with her. And when she got pregnant that thought escalated.

She started to have complications with the pregnancy cause her stress levels were so high, she constantly thought about me and my ex and all the things I did. She started seeing a therapist and that doctor came to the conclusion that my lack of commitment was a huge part of the reason. And in July she told me she was going to leave me soon after the baby was born.

As I mentioned her mother had passed away last year, and for her birthday she got my g/f an emerald ring (her birthstone). Well on Christmas she had taken it off to cook dinner, sat it on the counter. I decided to help her clean up and it some how ended up in the garbage disposal. She was really sad, so in January we went to a jewelery store to see about getting it repaired. While one jeweler was looking at it another jeweler talked my g/f into looking at engagement rings. And she picked out one she really liked a lot... and I was sitting right there, it sure was pretty.

Well a week before the baby was born I decided to buy her a ring and ask her, I couldn't remember what ring she wanted, so I asked the jeweler which ring she liked and might have shown my g/f. And picked one out.

Timing didn't seem to be right to ask her though, all I knew was I wanted to ask her before the baby was born. the baby was late due (sept 16) but scheduled to enduce labor on the 27th. On the 25th I asked her and gave her the ring, she got mad, told me she didn't want to marry me, told me I should have asked her sooner. Said things like 'you let me go through 9 months of being insecure about us.' Then yelled at me said I wasted money. And said its goddy, said if I was going to buy her a ring i should have gotten something she wanted, after all 'I got to wear it for the rest of my life'. And too, it was too small, cause she gained weight.

I did spend a lot on the ring (traditional 3 month salary) and I don't know why she's so offended that I spent that money on her. I know she's disappointed that its not the one she liked, and probably too that she can't wear it. And I guess it symbolizes all the things I didn't do for her but did do for my ex.

I was just having a casual relationship with my ex I actually wanted to break up with her for a while. I was getting stationed somewhere else and thought I'd just let things break off on their own. She stopped taking the birth-control pill (without me knowing), told me antibiotics nullified the pill. 2 weeks after I left she said she was pregnant and so I decided to marry her.

I just don't know what to do.