Miserable

I have not posted in quite a while. Was not sure if I should start a new thread or just post to this one since it had my story already. Today is our 14 year anniversary and I am absolutely sick and tired of playing this game. I am so miserable that I am mean to everyone including my own kids. I am just so unhappy all the time. We still don't talk and I have not touched him or been touched since my last post. Nothing. I am so sick of my friends who don't really know everything, trying to tell me to try this and that, when they dont know the whole story. Why should I try? What is he doing to help our marriage? Why should I be the only one? If he does not want sex enough to even try, then obviously there is no point. I do want to have sex, I just don't want to have it with him. And I don't want to have it with anyone else either. Does that make sense? I want to have it with the man I thought I married. But I guess that will never happen. I will never have a man that loves me the way I need to be loved. Who will touch me and hold me. Someone who really cares how I feel. Someone who listens and will talk to me and not just sit there and ignore me. He is so much better at parenting than I am but he sucks at the husband thing. I wish I could leave. I just don't want to do that to our kids. And where would I go? I would not be happy alone either. But living with a man who does not love you is somehow worse than being alone. I just don't know what else to do. He blames my moods and our problems on the fact that I have had health problems. He refuses to believe that the majority of our problems are based on the fact that he wont listen and he wont understand how I feel and he is never there for me. Anyway, just had to get that off my chest really. I dont guess there is any point posting if I am not going to do what is suggested and leave him right? I just want to die. I really do.

Marie