It sounds horrible, but I have had these thoughts on and off for most of our relationship, but it seems the past five yrs I can't get leaving out of my head! My daughter is 6yrs old and she LOVES her daddy too, and just like you, who am I to take that away from them. Before she was born I did leave him many times, but he was, well, obsessed. And sometimes it was just easier to give in to him and take him back. I was a bleeding heart and felt sorry for him at those times, but when children are involved it makes it so much harder to leave. I have not left him once since she was born, but of course the thought is there always! I will find your other posts here soon to see what your situation is, but do you often find yourself wondering 'when is it my turn to think about my feelings?'
On the surface, everything looks like we are a great family, but what people don't realize is that the only reason it appears that way is because I have been playing by his rules all these yrs. As long as he is happy, I guess he thinks I am.
I understand you perfectly when you say every decision is picked apart, every move you make, you are being watched! Get home 10 min late and the questions begin! I cannot go out with friends or family, and if I do, he will call several times, and if I don't answer one of his calls he will call the person I am with and keep going back and forth until one of us answers! This is just some examples of his obsessive behaviors that is what drives me to want to run! These are pretty tame compared past things he has done.
He is a good father and he is not 'bad' to me, but what it boils down to is that I am not happy, he does know this, I have told him. But things never seem to change. I don't want my daughter to hate me for leaving her dad, and I'm sure that is what you are feeling too.