Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

major misfit · 12-12-2010, 01:18 AM

I think River wrote a couple of awesome posts (as usual). Great insight, great understanding of the situation.

One thing..the affair thing...I'd break if off immediately. You admitted that right now you're not feeling anything. Towards anyone, about anything. My concern is what you might feel once you DO start feeling again. Once you DO start loving yourself again, and putting yourself before ANY man.

I'm not big on affairs. Exactly the opposite. I believe that someone that enters into an affair has something "broken" within them that needs to be addressed, and immediately. I'm not going to chastise you for having one, I'm simply stating how I personally feel. I'm no pollyanna over here..and I've been cheated on in my life. It doesn't feel good. All that does is further complicate an already complicated situation. And what if your husband finds out.

You owe it to yourself to provide YOU with the happiest, best life possible. I've been married twice, and am now in a longterm, committed relationship that I intend on being in until I die. I do not intend on marrying, though. My own personal thing. I married the 1st time at 17, and it lasted 3 years. I married again at 24, and it lasted 20. I never divorced my 2nd husband, I just booted him for good. He died 3 years after we split. I had 4 kids in that marriage. So maybe I don't look like such a "catch". Coupla marriages under my belt. 4 kids, with one still at home. Been through a LOT in my life. But I know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I finally..at 52 years of age...know ME. And I'm ok. Took me a long time to get there, b/c my kids dad was emotionally abusive as well. It was the lessons learned in that marriage that helped me have the ability to have the r-ship I have now.
I agree with sisters359 that you will be less tolerant to abuse when you start feeling good about yourself again. Please get into some counseling if you can, and read up on the links that River posted. I wish you the best.

12-12-2010, 01:18 AM	#8 (permalink)
major misfit Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 1,072	Re: Indifferent, confused, feeling stupid I think River wrote a couple of awesome posts (as usual). Great insight, great understanding of the situation. One thing..the affair thing...I'd break if off immediately. You admitted that right now you're not feeling anything. Towards anyone, about anything. My concern is what you might feel once you DO start feeling again. Once you DO start loving yourself again, and putting yourself before ANY man. I'm not big on affairs. Exactly the opposite. I believe that someone that enters into an affair has something "broken" within them that needs to be addressed, and immediately. I'm not going to chastise you for having one, I'm simply stating how I personally feel. I'm no pollyanna over here..and I've been cheated on in my life. It doesn't feel good. All that does is further complicate an already complicated situation. And what if your husband finds out. You owe it to yourself to provide YOU with the happiest, best life possible. I've been married twice, and am now in a longterm, committed relationship that I intend on being in until I die. I do not intend on marrying, though. My own personal thing. I married the 1st time at 17, and it lasted 3 years. I married again at 24, and it lasted 20. I never divorced my 2nd husband, I just booted him for good. He died 3 years after we split. I had 4 kids in that marriage. So maybe I don't look like such a "catch". Coupla marriages under my belt. 4 kids, with one still at home. Been through a LOT in my life. But I know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I finally..at 52 years of age...know ME. And I'm ok. Took me a long time to get there, b/c my kids dad was emotionally abusive as well. It was the lessons learned in that marriage that helped me have the ability to have the r-ship I have now. I agree with sisters359 that you will be less tolerant to abuse when you start feeling good about yourself again. Please get into some counseling if you can, and read up on the links that River posted. I wish you the best. __________________ The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. **Maya Angelou "But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" **Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu