Originally Posted by Atholk
Why would a healthy young man bother to adopt children when he could just find a woman capable of having them?
Why bother to marry a woman that doesn't want to have children?
Why even assume for one minute that he'd be happy without a family of his own flesh and blood?
Adoption isn't awful by any means, but lets be completely honest and agree that it is the Plan B and not the Plan A for everyone.
I wouldn't marry a woman that wasn't giddy at the idea of me getting her pregnant.
How many men enjoy having sex with their wives? How many men would not really enjoy going months without sex, then months more without the same quality sex it used to be before their wives got pregnant and had kids?
How many men are terrified that their marriage and sex life will go down the tubes as soon as their wife sees that little blue stick?
How many women are worried about health complications, stretch marks, weight gain, breast feeding, or temporary incontinence after the birth? My guess is ALL OF THEM. Some are so scared they won't have kids; others think "no big deal if I get to have my own baby." I'm actually a little terrified of the day when I'll have to have a baby--I'm very slender and honestly don't know how a baby will fit inside of my hips, let alone travel outside! These fears are very real for many women (and men), but most of us get over the hump and go ahead with pregnancy and childbirth.
There are pros and cons to having your own children and adopting children and not having any children. A lot of why people are nervous about having children is the change that they bring, or their potential to disrupt a marriage. Yes, it is an evolutionary drive in some ways, but people are willing to suppress it out of fear or uncertainty. It also comes down to personal philosophy--what is the meaning of life? To continue life? To procreate? To find happiness? People have different ideas and therefore different choice with respect to having or raising children.
Personally, I share your attitude (as does my SO)--we want our own kids! Adoption is not our Plan A, but if we couldn't conceive on our own, adoption would be a pretty freakin awesome Plan B. I love kids and I know I'll be a great mom! If adoption were the only way I could have children, you bet I'd be on board.
That said, this exact attitude about having biological children is the reason I'd be incredibly hesitant to give my own child up for adoption if I had an unplanned pregnancy. All those depressed couples trying for years
to have their own baby, spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on infertility treatments, not to mention the counseling and emotional baggage...parenting my
kid? NO THANK YOU.
I would much rather pick a family who has a different attitude towards adoption than I do--a family whose Plan A is adoption. Hypocritical? Maybe. But I think biologically it makes sense as I want my biological child to receive the best love and care and have the best upbringing possible.
Anyway that got off on a definite tangent! But I do think adoption really is a Plan A for people out there. It's not common, but it does exist, and if the OP's boyfriend is on board like she says he is, then I think they could be great adoptive parents.