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Originally Posted by married10yrs  I think of birthday and Christmas gift and how I would go and get my own...(though this year I insisted on him getting mine) I spent like $200 on his birthday present and Christmas present and mine is a book. and nothing. I was happy he got me something and then it was pointed out it me that it's not very equal. He wants me to treat him with respect and special and important but does he treat me this way? No. Does he even think of that? I should ask him.
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This said it all. OK, Here is the thing. YOU want and appreciate GIFTS , this is obviously one of your Love Languages, Sex is NOT paramount on your mind, BUT for HIM --IT IS, he wants to feel DESIRED, needed Sexually. Seriously you could buy your husband a $1,000 gift and it would mean little to him without your passion and desire
for him.
And he, probably having Physical Touch as HIS Primary Love Language can not understand why YOU do not go out of your way to be affectionate -desiring to be physically intimate with him, as this makes HIM feel loved , special and happy. For you, maybe reading a book or going shopping has more appeal ?? (just an example)
It will only cause more fighting for you both to badger each other over these things. He is clearly telling you what he NEEDS - and you have as much as admitted after a time, you go backsliding back to your normal behavior. This speaks volumes to him -because what it says is : she doesn't really desire me , she is just doing these things to make me happy-or shut me up ! And this is hurtful to him. He wants your spontineity & your enthusiam in the bedroom. Nothing else will likely satisfy him - he is hung up on this.
Some men feel strongly about this, it is not likely to go away. It would help if he could rid himself of the Silent Treatment reaction though, yes, this is childest and about control & to hurt you for hurting him. Someone needs to break it.
Here is a Thread on "LOVE Languages", a test you each can take to figure out your particular Lanugage, what makes you feel the most Loved , treasured & special. Once your eyes are opened on these things, it could make a tremendous difference in your marriage -to put your spouses Language into action on a daily basis--then in turn, he will more likely do this for you as well. Gotta start with one of you.
What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige? 