Originally Posted by Tru2mself
Ok let me get it right : she is your wife and you have been together for 8 years . And you don`t want children with her ? And tell me again why did you exactly get married ?
Is this some kind of marriage of convinience for you or do you actully love and care for the person you chose as your spouse ?
God, I hope you did not display the same "exitement" to your wife ,as she is giving you the greatest gift of all that you could ever recieve in this world and she is giving you the opportunity to grow as a man , as a person . I see that instead you want to stay stuck in your old selfish "me me me" ways , so be it , you are to go and kiss your wifes feet and beg her for forgivness ,tell her your were temporary insane , or you will regret this for the rest of your life !
I married her because I love her, simple as that. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs or anything else other than that. And I never said anything about not wanting children with HER as opposed to someone else. If I have to have children, of course I would want it to be with her! I am just not sure that I ever really wanted them to begin with and as my best man at our wedding said in his speech that he knows I "will always do whatever it takes to make our marriage work because I love my wife and am self sacrificing", to paraphrase anyway. I did this for her, not for me. And it isn't about "me me me". It's about "us us us". I love our life together just as it is today and wouldn't change it for ANYTHING. This is the exact OPPOSITE of that. So I'm trying to get there. It's taking a while, and I have setbacks as I described above with the Terror Kid, etc. which is when I decide I have had enough I come here for CONSTRUCTIVE feedback.
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
I think it will be very interesting and telling if you come here AFTER the birth & share your feelings.
Never underestimate what a child can bring to your life. One of my favorite musicians, his girlfriend got pregnant unexpectedly, he was on drugs for years & years, pretty messed up, almost died a few times, the day of his son's birth was the day he became Drug free, he was MOVED that much, I am sure this also took this man by surprise. (Brent Smith, Shinedown) Love will well up in your heart.
I think you are stressing over the "what if's" of your sex life & time with your wife more than you realisticly need, given your closeness & passion for each other. Some things will change, but probably not as drastically as you are envisioning. Realizing these things, talking about them openly with your wife, you are many steps ahead of the majority of parents who never consider the issues. This is to your advantage.
And it IS very different when they are your own flesh & blood. That little terror you spoke of, you know what makes it so much worse, even unbearable >> Since you were not her parent, you couldn't disclipline the little rug rat!! It helps when we can take control of our own "brats". And dogs.
Looking forward to a post from you in another 6 months. Seriously.
I will certainly make sure to post again afterwards. I'm not above hearing "I told you so" from others!
Live and learn. I'm certainly not afraid to admin when I'm wrong!
And yes, I am concerned about our overall relationship and our lives afterwards. Like I said, the gravity of the situation is certainly not lost on me. This is a monumental change, at least from where I'm sitting, and I fear it will seriously impact our lives and relationship negatively. I think I have this feeling because I see so many married couples around me that are miserable. The common thing between them all is they have kids. So do kids make you miserable and destroy your marriage? Not necessarily in the short term, but in the long term? Like I said before, other than this, our relationship is about as close to perfect as you could get, IMO anyway (I could elaborate for a long time on this, but I'll skip it and hope you all take my word for it). I fear this unknown variable will cause us to end up like so many of the other miserable married couples I see around me all the time. My wife is all that REALLY matters to me and if anything were to lessen my relationship and marriage with her I would be very distraught.