| | Re: Wife found reminder note of points to talk about.ripped it up. Boundaries. fit te
When she speaks to you so disrespectfully don't allow her to continue. Tell her I am no longer going to tolerate that kind of talk from you and I don't expect to hear it again. Talk right over her don't wait to hear what she has to say then turn around and walk away She will at first up the ante and get worse before she get the message be consistent. . Tell her when you are ready to talk like a normal person we can discuss it. I may be wrong but I am a fan of disengaging from verbally abusive people. Say what you will not tolerate and if she does not listen, you are justified in acting like she does not exist as a human, she is not acting like a human. Call her on every thing she says. If she badmouths you to people when you are in public get in your car and drive away. She will find her way home and she will be careful next time.
Don't be fearful of doing this - you cannot live ,like this and if your change of attitude does not bring the same from her, then take you new found skills to a fresh relationship. It is really true that women will treat you the way you allow them so you are totally in control. In all of this you have to decide the deal breaker - are you willing to separate if she does adhere to your behavioral request. You have to be willing to exercise a negative consequence for her which is positive for you.
I'll tell you about my relationship my husband is a dominate man, calm, does not take any crap from me. I can run my mouth with the best of them but I am never inclined to do that with him ever. Why it his personality - he sates calmly when he does not like what I say or do and then leaves it alone. I respect him because that what he demands. Women feel safer with a man who sets boundaries it a demonstrate of his ability to manage in the world. If he capitulates to me then I would become anxious and maybe start telling him what to do.
So take heart. Her response to your changes will get worse at first but stay the course, keep posting for support and don't worry about making a mistake, you can always recover.
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Last edited by Catherine602; 01-08-2011 at 01:33 PM.