| | Re: Hi there-lack of sex in marriage
I do have kids (grown, now) and I've been in the Army 29 years, so far. I also have three dogs. My point simply is, sex is so important to most normally-functioning guys that if they turn it down, there's generally some very heavy reason. "I have had a lot of depression/anxiety problems in the past/present. I have taken a lot of different medication over the years. He used to initiate all the time, and I didn't want to because I was too depressed or tired. So I guess he stopped." When he's not working, he's at scouts, watching TV, on the computer, or playing with the kids. Those are choices, as the dog is a choice. If he chooses those activites over having sex with you, it's not a time or an energy problem. He used to initiate all the time, so apparently in his natural state, he's a typically horny guy. I'm guessing he built up a bunch of resentment and apprehension by being pushed away and denied sex for a long period of time. That, and maybe he's withdrawn because so far, you have determined who and what he is. You were friends, but ended up living together (though you didn't love him) because you had money problems. Though married, you ended up relating like buddies because you didn't feel up to acting like lovers. Now that your sex drive has returned, you're wondering why he doesn't automatically shift gears, too. You say he doesn't know how to be touchy feely. Sounds like he's had to form the habit of responding to your lead and that he's learned to surpress whatever he might feel or not.
The dog problem can probably be fixed pretty easily. Reward the dog for being quiet and at a reasonable distance when you two are hugging or kissing. Crate the dog the second it acts inappropriately while you two are kissing/hugging. Buy a great new toy for the dog and let the dog have it (in the crate) only when you two are being intimate. When you're getting your treat, the dog's getting a treat, too.