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Oral, how important is it?

9K views 40 replies 27 participants last post by  Bigwayneo 
#1 ·
I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.
 
#2 ·
I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to being eaten out. My hubby only did it once and has yet to do it again. To me, it is really important. The reason it is is because to me it makes me feel like he accepts every part of me and truly cares about me as a whole.

Without it I feel like a toy he can use and do what he wants with.
 
#3 ·
All I gotta say to you ladies is Your husbands are lucky men to be married to women like you, as a guy I can tell you I would absolutely love it if my wife enjoyed to be eaten out..but instead she's ashamed of it more often than not...but not to turn this into my thread I will tell you one thing..
"take the initiative..force his head down..if not, tell him what you want..a man Loves it when his woman lets him know what she likes..us men like to know that we are making our wives feel good..if they dont let us know we see it as a waste of time"
 
#4 ·
If both of you are happy with or without it, then its not important. The only time it becomes important is if one of you really wants to receive or give and the other doesn't.
My wife has never given me oral and never will (she said as much). I could go and get oral elsewhere....but I want my wife to do it, not some hooker. I used to do it to her and she enjoyed it....she knows how much I would love her to do it to me but she refuses so now I don't do it to her either.
 
#5 ·
I think that performing oral sex on your partner is the most selfless act you can do in the bedroom. The giver gets no pleasure other than seeing, feeling, and knowing that his or her partner is experiencing pure joy.
I love to give and receive and so does my wife.
I honestly believe that people who will not (for whatever reason) go down on their partner are just selfish.
 
#7 ·
DanF - :iagree:
Surely if you love someone you like to see them enjoying what you are doing to them? If my wife wanted me to, say, stick my tongue in here ear (which I dont enjoy!) I would do it because SHE loved it.
If you love your H and you know how much he would like you to give him a BJ then why not?
The only reason I stopped giving my wife oral was because her her blank refusal to reciprocate.
Maybe I'm being petty, but if she doesnt want to do something that I enjoy biut she doesn't, why should I?
 
#8 ·
This may or may not work. It will maximize your shot at success with some/many guys.

1. if he does not have a drinking "problem" get him to have a couple of drinks just before showering
2. then shower together and hop in bed - that way he knows you are clean - I imagine you already are but this removes any doubt
3. then see if you can get him to 69

IMO this is about wanting to please your partner.
 
#9 ·
this totally sucks for you. hubby and i do each other regulary and its never been an issue. It is a big deal for me, in fact a deal breaker. I love to pleasure him this way and would be totally disappointed if i had to beg for it or wait for my birthday.

It would hurt my feelings if he just stopped doing it after doing it for me. I would want to know why, whats wrong, and how the hell i can fix it FAST. If he couldnt or wouldnt give me any feedback could work with, then I would get mad and it would effect our relationship
 
#10 ·
Jane....she did ask and I told her..."I don't dislike going down on you but I do it because it gives me real pleasure to see you enjoying it...I really want you to atleast try giving me a BJ..." the reply was a very simple 'over my dead body'.
Fine...have it your way then. I dont get what I would really like and nor does she. Her call.
I dont want a hooker to do it, I want the person I love and cherish to do it.... Guess its either a hooker or forget it.
 
#12 ·
one of the reasons im so open to do it anytime is because he doesnt insist on the one thing that would make giving a blowjob unappealing and that is finishing in my mouth. I just CANT tolerate or stomache that. Ive tried and i.just.cant. Its no big deal for him an there is no pressure or beggin me to cum in my mouth so he gets BJs everytime we have sex. Its not just for him either it turns me on.

I wonder if some womens resistance to it is their man insisting on cumming in there their mouth. Some men can be so adolescent, whiny, and babyish about it to the extent that some women dig in and just refuse. (ive been through this with another partner)

your wife is tripping. she wants you to go down on her but not willing to reciprocate? hmph! (taking into consideration that finishing in her mouth is not a requirement)
 
#13 ·
It wasn't really "important" in my marriage. I'm probably the only guy in the world who didn't crave bjs, and my wife enjoyed receiving, but it wasn't her main thing. However, I think people should be open to each other's needs and be willing to talk and work things out.
If it is important to one, it should be important to the other to the point it should be addressed in conversation. I don't know your particular issues or his. My wife had a body chemistry that didn't produce a bad odor. Of course, she bathed daily, and with that, she had no odor there, no foot odor, etc., so that made it easy for me.
 
#14 ·
I like getting oral, but it's very important. My husband has only given me oral a few times in the 15 years or so we have been together. Though I usually give him Bjs as foreplay. I can orgasm pretty easy. I can orgasm sometimes by just having my breast played with/sucked. So I can orgasm with out oral. Of course getting any sort of sex from my husband is hard.
 
#15 ·
I have the sex drive of a teenage boy and I LOVE oral; giving and receiving. My husband rarely did it while we were dating, but he does it much more often now. The last two times, he completely surprised me. :smthumbup:

Have you spoken to hubs about how his lack of oral or sharing in bed?
 
#16 ·
Only reason why i don't give oral everytime is because she saids its not necessary, and to change things up. i've never asked her to give me a bj, because i want to do all the pleasing in the bedroom. If it doesn't bring pleasure to the woman, i don't want her to do it. She is willing to do it if i give the ok.
 
#18 ·
Its probably just a personal preference thing. Just like some women dont like giving head to guys, some guys don't like giving head to women. You should respect this and just do other stuff in bed I would say. I would not take it personally, its not really a big deal - he probably just doesn't like that particular act.
 
#19 ·
Well, this is my first post here, but I have to say, it's very important to me and my girlfriend (of 10 years) I loveeee receiving blowjobs and she loves giving it to me, even all the way to swallowing etc. She likes watching me enjoy and just enjoys it.

And I like giving it to her. It's everything that I like about her. How it smells and tastes, and feeling, hearing and seeing her enjoy it.

We do it most of the time we have sex, so yeah, quite important for us.
 
#20 ·
hi--
oral is sooo important to my husband, i like it as well.
back to you...have you tried to make it relaxing, and no pressure. my husband has his days when its all about get off, but if im not in the mood, i say, this will be under my terms, and i will talk during it, and laugh, just have a good time.

maybe it could be a nice setting, and you could state that you dont have to finish, just to get her used to it and just have fun, bring honey and cool whip, and ice, chocolate syrup....
 
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#22 ·
I think it is every mans desire to cum in his partners mouth and have her swallow it...! However I can understand women not liking the taste. I'm talking about a wife who enjoys receiving but won't even nibble my scrotum or suck a ball. Ejaculating in her mouth isn't even a dream yet!
 
#23 ·
I think oral is super important. As a guy, you must be able to pleasure your lady and give her what she wants. Make sure you are super clean down there, maybe trim area if you dont already, and find other ways to make it inviting so to speak. I cannot get enough of oral, and would rather give than anything else. Just talk to him and find out what the true issue is. There has to be a reason why a guy does not want to go down there. My wife hit the "O" 3 times last night while I was down there. So you are missing out if its not being done to you.
 
#24 ·
I think it has varying importance to different people. For me, it took some time to get comfortable with the fact that my husband's face was buried in my most intimate area. I know that sounds odd but I was completely inexperienced when we got married and although I have always been willing to try anything for and with him, somethings have taken longer to become comfortable with.

Also, someone else mentioned trimming - and while this doesn't stop my husband, he likes it extra much when I'm neatly trimmed.

You might think about getting flavored lubes and gels too -- it can be used on men and women. For me, I don't mind giving BJs as much as I sometimes mind receiving them. But I have to be really into it/aroused/drunk/high/etc. in order to swallow. Hubby is great about understanding that it's bitter and he doesn't pressure me -- so every time I do, it's spontaneous on my part and a extra surprise for him. The flavored lube (or even strawberry/chocolate syrup) really helps with the taste if it's something you don't particularly enjoy.

Maybe ask your H if something like that would entice him more. Or maybe just take the initiative, shower first and make sure he knows you are clean, trim, buy some flavored lube (even if he won't use it, you can enjoy it on him :) ), and put on some sexy lingerie. Begging during foreplay might ( or might not ) work too -- my H loves to hear me beg for his mouth, especially since oral isn't always something I crave.
 
#28 ·
Moonangel....Its all about mutual respect and understanding. If neither of you like it or want it then there isnt an issue. If, however one partner likes it and wants it but the other doesn't and won't (ever) give or receive then its an issue!
If 'Mrs' was a vegetarian and 'Mr' loved his meat but his wife never cooked it for him (ever) then she has to accept that occasionally he will go and have a big juicy steak some place else. Either that or just opccasionally she has to cook him one at home...
 
#31 ·
Husband wants to give...but I don't want it and he won't go elsewhere for it. Some men just love their wife way too much. And, I don't want it 'cause it's really disgusting. Ew. Same the other way around...although...I'm considering but when I get close...ew.

I know I'm not the only who doesn't like it. I didn't like french kissing either until recently. And I don't like my nipples fondled. It gets me mad.
 
#29 ·
I think the poster that things oral is gross has a right to their opinion. In my opinion I think there position is clearly in the minority.

I am not sure why any man would NOT want to do this to/for his wife. To me there are few things in life that are as great as this act!!! To me it is highly intimate.

Since there are ALOT of women who can only climax this way (or by using toys) it seems like a no-brainer for hubbys to go downtown on the MRS. I think it would be safe to say that this is a pretty common act in most bedrooms. Particularly, where the women needs this to either get her motor running or to get her to climax. The mechanics of some women's body require more than intercourse to climax. I think it is selfish and short-sighted to go straight to intercourse if oral is the only way to get her to the promised land. I think his lack of willingness to do this is not fair. I am not sure why he is not comfortable with toys but, some men are. Getting him to do oral may be easier than to do the toy thing.

Like others have said trim and wash up to make certain this that the issue is that there may have been a change in smell taste. If there is hesitancy i would be direct. Tell him what you want!!
 
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