NoIinThreesome

I want to thank you all for your well thought out replies. A common theme among some of them seems to be, "how would you feel if she kept something similiar from you" I can honestly say I would completely understand. I'm not hypocritical in my belief that some issues can be personal in a marriage - health being one of them. I love my wife and she knows that. Matters of health are distinctly personal. As a spouse, I feel it's my job to be accepting of the way in which she might feel she needed to tell me. Perhaps the ill spouse needs time to accept the possibility of a bad diagnosis. Maybe they're embarrassed about the body parts involved. Maybe they don't want to "cry wolf" and wait until a proper diagnosis has been made. In any case, I feel strongly that it's not about the healthy spouse. To put their "want-to-know" in front of a potentially ill spouses right to deal with their own health in a mentally, physically, and emotionally satisfying way denies the ill spouses right of self-determination.

Next, I'm not sure what %100 full disclosure even means in the context of a marriage. There are any number of things I do in a day which 1)have nothing to do with my spouse, 2)only affect my spouse in the most indirect of ways, and 3)affect her only because she may know one of the parties involved. Most of these things I don't relate to her at the end of the day because of the sheer banality of day-to-day living.

- Does it matter that I tipped the Starbucks woman $1 today because I appreciate her smile every morning at 5:30 AM?

- Does it matter that I interviewed 3 people today at work?

- Does it matter that I got into a minor arguement with one of my suppliers?

- Does it matter that I talked to my mom and sister?

- Does it matter that I went to the dentist? Would it have mattered if I had to get a filling?

I probably won't tell my wife about any of this, but not because I'm withholding anything but because they are just a number of a multitude of everyday instances that individually make no difference at all.

To say that I need to tell her everything (and that she needs to tell me everything) or else we're somehow dishonest with each other ignores the normalcy of day-to-day life. Additionally, it creates an obligation on a spouse to spout every last bit of minutae, lest they be considered dishonest. If this is the way some people here live, then God bless. But I don't think I have enough energy to relate every last detail of my day.

Again, thank you for all your responses.