Originally Posted by AFEH
I think some people just “top out” at times. They have a load on their mind, one more thing and they “top out”, can’t handle it “all”. Not the same as “the straw that broke the camel’s back” because that’s usually an ending.
His apology sounds heartfelt and sincere and at a guess he thinks that’s enough and because maybe he’s so much more on his mind he’s already forgotten all about it. Some people are like that, blow up, apologise, then forget it all happened. It’s called active anger.
But you’re still simmering somewhat, and that’s called passive anger. Me I prefer active anger rather than passive anger.
It is very important to deal with your anger, your husband’s dealt with his already. But you need to confront your husband rather than avoid the issue. Perhaps better to write it all down first so you clearly understand the whole thing yourself. What the agreement was, what happened and how you felt about it. Then either just give your note to your husband or have a chat with him in a quite time, if with 4 children you actually get any. Also tell him what he needs to do to make it up to you, a bunch of flowers or something similar.
I think it’s really important to solve these issues as they arise. The alternative is it all just builds into lumps of resentment (passive anger and dislike) targeted at your husband.
His apology was sincere, you are right- he is the sort of person who would not say sorry unless he meant it. I could tell he felt bad for the way he spoke to me, it is not a usual occurrence which is why I felt I should accept his apology even though I hadn't worked through it in my mind.
You are also right about the passive anger. I very rarely am "actively" angry but I do feel my passive anger *does* lead to further problems (the resentment) which is something I have recently been trying to address.
I will talk to him later; I guess what has struck a chord in this is that last week he was angry about something and called me "pathetic" then as well. I am concerned with what the problem is that he has started calling me this.