| | Re: I think I am ruining my own relationship
Hopeful and Doubtful:
All the emotions you are going through seem normal reactions to your situation (I'm no therapist, though, but from what I read on this site it seems textbook, and going through my own experience). After two months of the FOG in my wife, I couldn't take it any more and forced a separation. I sure as H*LL didn't want any crumbs from my wife while she gave all the best parts of her to someone else, and I wasn't going to stay in that toxic lifestyle because it was killing me inside. And, I also HATED her during that time, in that she could lie right to my face after I had all the evidence, how she blamed me for EVERYTHING that was wrong with the marriage, the gaslighting (that my suspicions of her affair were somehow due to my insecurities) and that her heart was always with someone else (her OM). "Ok! Sure! I get it! Now leave!" was my response.
Now, in my situation, I started talking about divorce right after the separation. I focused on my life and found my confidence back (and my furniture!). About two months later, my DS came back to me. I think everything is going well right now, but only time will tell. I don't have hate anymore, and I found forgiveness in me, but I do have some serious trust issues: Is she telling the truth, is she commited to me, is the affair still going on? I think this will go on in my head for a long time...
With me, talking is key. Every time I have a question about the marriage or the affair, I'll just go ahead and ask. Asking and knowing, even if I don't like the response and makes my stomach hurt just like it did in the EA FOG my wife was in, that seems worse than just talking about it, because my imagination is a thousand times worse than the words coming out of my Wifes mouth when she shares her response to my questions.
Last edited by alphaomega; 01-24-2011 at 05:07 PM.