zebedee

thank you for your response! That sounds like good advice. I admit; it's hard to back off as I tend to try to control situations (hey, I'm a guy), but I'm thinking you're right.

I sent her a letter last week, detailing how much I care for her; and I told her yesterday how much I really want this relationship to work. With that said, I also told her that I am willing to give her her space. Being around someone who doesn't want you around is pure misery. So I basically left it off as:

"I love you; I'm here for you, I'll give you your space, so I'm not planning on calling you. Call me when you feel like talking. I'd love to hear from you."

She knows how much I care and how much I want to make this work. But as mentioned, I know I can't make her fall in love with me. She needs to be willing to put forth the effort. I pray she will.

Incidentally, I also outlined for her, that if she'd be willing to genuinely try and not "quit"; that I'll be there for her "til death" so to speak. I told her I love her dearly, and that I'd stay by her side. I told her I do have 2 conditions however, and that if she meets those, that I'll stay as long as it takes.

1) that she doesn't quit. This is sort of self explanatory, but I don't believe in a one person marriage; if she quits, then I suppose we're done.

2) that she doesn't go outside our marriage to meet her physical or emotional needs (or both). This is sort of an extension of my first condition; but bottom line, I can't/ won't tolerate an affair.

I finally told her that she really needs to make a decision. I'm not pressuring her for one right now, but I told her that she really does need to decide in her own mind (sooner rather than later) if she wants to work on our marriage or not. I obviously really want this marriage to work out, and she knows that; I am trying for "us" and want to continue to do so, and that I'll continue to pray for us, and that I sincerely pray/ hope she won't quit on us. I will continue to love her quietely by the side lines I suppose.

But I also told her that if she should reach the point to where she decides that she doesn't want to make our marriage work; that she needs to tell me. I don't want her to feel like she's doing me a favor, sparing me the hurt, by dragging this out, if she decides it's truly "done". I deserve better than that; we both do.

thank you for your responses!