Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: mountain west
| | Re: How to start over when my wife doesn't want to
Originally Posted by Badger
We've been married for 7 years, and together for 5 years before that. We have a 9 year old daughter, plus two boys which are my step-sons, they are 19 and 22. In the past the biggest problem in our relationship is that I used porn to fill in gaps in our sex life, and lied to her about it (I said I wasn't, she found out, oops!) As far as I know there has never been any infidelity, unless you count the porn, which my wife definitely does.
About a year ago, things came to a crashing halt, literally. I had a very serious motorcycle accident while she and our daughter saw the whole thing. They were driving a car behind me at the time. Spent 3 months in the hospital, etc. I really feel like I owe her my life, the phrase "I am lucky to be alive" has new and profound meaning to me, and in a lot of ways I think my luck was her doing.
Now things are sort-of back to normal. I got a new job, we moved to a new house, I can walk and do pretty much everything that normal men can.
But before the accident, things weren't good between us, and now they are worse. I sleep in the "guest room" on the floor with an inflatable mattress. She sleeps in the master bedroom. I am not welcome to sleep with her. Sex? That's funny. We had sex one time last year, that was before the accident. I can't even hug/kiss her without her acting like I'm doing something wrong.
I really do love her and I want to make this work, somehow. But I'm at my wits end, and I feel like my love for her is one-way.
Why does she even let me around, you ask? Well there are only two reasons I can think of: 1. Money. (I make a good wage, she makes some but less) 2. Fatherhood. She wants me around to do fatherhood kinda things, even though she tells me all the time that I suck as a father.
So my question to you is, how can I get this thing re-started? I am willing to do anything. Counseling is really out of the question, I've made 2 appointments which she canceled because she "was busy" and she doesn't seem interested in that. Really anything involving talking to her about it won't work. Somehow it seems like I need to slip in under the radar with changes to my life/activities which might improve things.
I appreciate any advice you can give.
yeah, if those things (stated above) are the reasons why she IS keeping you around, be THE BEST provider and THE BEST FATHER that you can.
then, build a strategy for making up lost ground. living transparent, you may have heard the phrase. give her your passwords, clean up your act and LET HER HAVE ACCESS TO EVERYTHING...because she is going to be suspicious of everything for a long time. cherish her and honor her and your family...you think rehabbing from your crash was loonnnnggg and harrrddd...fixing what's broken is gonna take alot of work too. that's ok though. you've learned from your crash...time is all you've got bro. i know, i had a stroke and am gonna come back all the way. marriage too.
oh yeah, say a prayer. He listens.
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7