Well, I'm not sure where to begin. I've never joined a forum before, especially to discuss my personal life. But, I feel I'm completely out of options, so any response would be greatly appreciated.
I was recently married in June to the man I've been dating for almost five years. During those years, in my opinion, he has done everything possible to be considered a lying cheat by most of my family and friends, and even some of his! By everything I mean cheating, lying about everything (small and big) including money, locations, people he's in contact with, work schedules, ect. Although in previous relationships I was had strict standards and never tolerated any nonsense, with him I'm always forgiving and absorbing of his excuses. And let me tell you, every time I subside to him, I loose a sense of strength and self-esteem. I'm more angry with myself for forgiving him than I would be for leaving him. A large part of me is scared that I won't find anyone who understands or can tolerate me the way he can, but how LAME is that. I wish I could be strong enough to leave or that he would at least go back to being my best friend, if he ever was at all.
My main concern right now is that, even though were married now, nothing has changed. There are still secret phone calls, hidden messages, hidden actions and who knows what else. He calls me a "psycho", and in some respects I am. But I've mastered the fine art of relationship detective, he's turned me into a snooper, and have caught all of his mistakes. We discuss them, I tell him how they make me feel, he apologizes and says it won't happen again, two weeks later the cycle begins again.
One day I'm seriously going to loose it! My patience is worn beyond thin. But......... I love him, through all of his faults, my question is..... is it worth killing the person I am to do it.
If anyone would like to comment it would be greatly appreciated, negative or positive. I really just need an outside opinion and some advise.
Thanks a bunch