Coops said this flawlessly. The whole thing. I wouldn't change a word. I would only reinforce the point that ASKING her for a HUGE change in your marriage like where you sleep in the middle of a fight is not a good idea.
Worse - she was behaving badly and in the middle of her bad behavior you did the "can we be closer together"? via sleeping arrangements. The message - right while she was being super disrespectful was "I love you so much".
Originally Posted by coops
"After I got the kids to bed". Dude, if she DEMANDED you do something. You should have put your foot down the second the words came out of her mouth. "Excuse me? do not talk to me like that. If you need help, ask politely" and stare at her silently until she asks you politely. If she doesn't ask, then do not help her. Leave her to it.
All you said here was "its ok to still walk on me, I might say something later but you can stomp that no problem and continue acting the same way."
Your words: "I said maybe we should move the kids into their beds and we sleep in ours and she said no way."
You said maybe and gave her a choice while you're having a fight and her current feeling on you is very low. When you know something is right, you do not ask. You make it happen. If she disagrees she can give you her opinion and you can consider it. Asking her anything right now will get you no where. She will NOT do what is best for the relationship. She will only respond based on how she is CURRENTLY FEELING.
"Allowing our kids to walk all over us sets a very poor example for them. They need to learn boundaries and respect for their parents. They have beds and that is where they are going to sleep. You are not forced to sleep with me, but they are going to sleep in their bed and I am going to sleep in mine."
You don't even have to talk about where she is going to sleep. You make the kids go where they are supposed to go, then you sleep in your bed and then she can join you if she wishes. If she sleeps on the couch, so be it.