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Spirit, I was in the same boat as you, there is hope. I was in a sexless marriage for 11+ years. My wife is a clean freak. We neglected each others needs.

A few ideas in no particular order (I am sure you have tried many of these...just throwing them out there):

-make her feel sexy, desired, wanted, needed
-be completely honest with her. Tell her exactly what you need and expect of her. Tell her you demand to be respected by her and she should demand you to respect her. Make sure you ask her what her REAL needs are and listen to them. Her real needs are not cleaning the house and cooking.
-she absolutely needs to get out of the house. She needs at least one date night a week with you and one Girls Night Out a week...at least. The GNO is key. If she will not organize them, maybe you get to know her friends or their husbands and plant the seed. If any of her friends are string, sexually confident females, they will talk about sex. When you get a bunch of girls together they talk a lot more about sex and get raunchier than us guys, I have seen it. It makes them feel confident in their sexuality and know that feeling and being sexy is not just OK, but fun.
-let her know that you two as a couple come first, before the kids, before the house. You two fell in love as a couple before these things and will hopefully grow old together as a couple after the kids are long out of the house
-do what you need to do to be happy as an individual. Enjoy your passions in life and show your wife how passionate you are about them. Women really dig that in a man and it will make you happy and it is in your control
-if all else fails, lay down the ultimatum (only if you really mean it and will follow through), that you will not accept an unfulliling sex life and you a prepared to find one if she is not willing to be that person with you.
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