02-06-2011, 05:13 PM
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
| | Re: Bantering between you and your spouse
Banter is NOT a mechanism for saying hurtful things that you can then "deny" that you meant them.
Originally Posted by tobio
A question to the guys...
Do you banter with your wife? If so, what sorts of things would you say? Would you do this in the same way as, say, you might do with male friends, or differently? How does she respond- can she give it right back, or does she get irriated, or upset? Maybe sometimes she'll be fine with it and other times not?
I ask because I am by nature a sensitive person, but have always enjoyed bantering with my OH and firing off some quickfire responses back to him. He loves it!
However recently I have noticed a lot of it is concerned about my physical appearance. Rather than throw it back, I've asked him about it ("many a true word spoken in jest" and all that) and he always says it's a joke, I'm taking it too seriously. He just always seems to pick something I'm conscious about right now - I'm not saying he purposely does this btw to hurt me.
I *think* it's come from a few weeks back right after baby was born, he made some flippant remark about me being fat and right after commenting on a pretty girl walking past around the same time he'd been making various comments about hot girls on the tv, which I'd been pretty sensitive about being as I'd just given birth and wasn't feeling my confidence in my usual physical self. I was livid- apart from the fact I'm not normally anyway, I'd HAD A BABY a couple of weeks before and of course my belly wasn't like it usually is. Being called fat really hurt, and although he apologised profusely, I obviously still harbour feelings and I think this is where my sensitivity has come from.
Anyway, it's kinda spoiled our bantering, I keep thinking what if it's his way of offloading indirectly with these comments about my appearance?
Any thoughts- what can I do to resolve this?