| | Re: I was warned about this "male version of a fitness test" has reared its head.
You guys are so helpful and I really appreciate it.
We're so frustrated with each other.
Today we both let our frustration get the best of us:
I push, he shuts down; he shuts down, I push.
Switch the sequence, doesn't matter. It's a cycle.
I know the cycle must be broken; but forcing myself to stop pushing in the hopes that eventually he'll open up, is a difficult gamble.
It requires patience and trust that I sometimes do not have:
patience and trust that if I back off and put aside my own needs for awhile, he'll grow to appreciate and love me in kind.
Hicks, know what's hard? One of his needs is appreciation and admiration for being a great guy...i have a hard time meeting that need when I feel hurt by his behavior that shuts me out, tells me he doesn't care, judges my thoughts and feelings, and yells at me.
I have a hard time seeing the great guy and giving him that appreciation that I know he needs, because I don't feel it.
It's so hard to meet THAT need (for appreciation, respect, admiration) when I feel like he's dismissing mine; I'm not saying I refuse to do it...but it's hard, and it's why I exploded at him today.
Especially since there's a sad, dark part of me that thinks we made a mistake, and that part is eating at me.
Maybe I'm opening myself up for judgment by saying that, but it's true, and I'm willing to finance individual therapy if I have to, to deal with it.
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