Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

adrianlancer · 07-03-2007, 08:22 PM

Hello, my name is Adrian and let me begin by saying that I love my wife R and will do anything to make it "work".

We have been married for only five months; and we first met only a couple of months before that. My wife and I are both well-educated, middle-class; I'm 29 and she's 27.

We have a baby on the way and right now, I'm sitting all alone in our apartment, while she is staying with her mother after our latest fight. So how did I get here?

When we first started dating, R was a wild one. With more male friends than I have, she was the socializing, out-doorsy, aggressive and confident type. I on the other hand, am relatively a lot more introverted, although equally sensitive and aggressive.

We fell in love soon after we first met. Trouble started when I couldn't adjust to her relatively carefree lifestyle. I am the jealous type and was especially bothered to no end by one particular ex-boyfriend-and-friend whom she kept in contact with despite knowing that it was hurting me.

Eventually, she did come around, wisely saw that our relationship was worth more than just some friend and also started working on 'toning down' her personality, so to speak, in order to adjust with the shy, quiet, geek that is me. We thought we could meet eachother half way, for after all, we loved each other.

May be we were too optimistic. To be over-generous to myself, we have both so far failed to meet eachother half way. She has had to do a lot of work to adjust with me and yet, I haven't so far managed to truely 'move on' from unpleasant incidents such as the ex-boyfriend that we had prior to marriage. Since she has been genuinely putting a lot of effort to make this work, she naturally feels unappreciated at the slightest mention of her past by me, which of course, I slip in when because I haven't truely moved on yet and hurtful past memories creep up.

In your opinion, is this marriage worth saving? Are we too different to coexist even though we love each other? How can I save this?

07-03-2007, 08:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
adrianlancer Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1	How can I save this marriage? Hello, my name is Adrian and let me begin by saying that I love my wife R and will do anything to make it "work". We have been married for only five months; and we first met only a couple of months before that. My wife and I are both well-educated, middle-class; I'm 29 and she's 27. We have a baby on the way and right now, I'm sitting all alone in our apartment, while she is staying with her mother after our latest fight. So how did I get here? When we first started dating, R was a wild one. With more male friends than I have, she was the socializing, out-doorsy, aggressive and confident type. I on the other hand, am relatively a lot more introverted, although equally sensitive and aggressive. We fell in love soon after we first met. Trouble started when I couldn't adjust to her relatively carefree lifestyle. I am the jealous type and was especially bothered to no end by one particular ex-boyfriend-and-friend whom she kept in contact with despite knowing that it was hurting me. Eventually, she did come around, wisely saw that our relationship was worth more than just some friend and also started working on 'toning down' her personality, so to speak, in order to adjust with the shy, quiet, geek that is me. We thought we could meet eachother half way, for after all, we loved each other. May be we were too optimistic. To be over-generous to myself, we have both so far failed to meet eachother half way. She has had to do a lot of work to adjust with me and yet, I haven't so far managed to truely 'move on' from unpleasant incidents such as the ex-boyfriend that we had prior to marriage. Since she has been genuinely putting a lot of effort to make this work, she naturally feels unappreciated at the slightest mention of her past by me, which of course, I slip in when because I haven't truely moved on yet and hurtful past memories creep up. In your opinion, is this marriage worth saving? Are we too different to coexist even though we love each other? How can I save this?