Tonight she came home, and I was hoping that after last nights talks, she had done some thinking.
Apparently she had. I tried to be upbeat, and supportive of her training at work that has had her a bit stressed out.
Then she flatly dropped a question...
"Are you going to drag this divorce out?"
"I don't want to drag it out and lose all our money to lawyer fees, so if you are I'm going to find my own lawyer and get the ball rolling instead of sharing one."
Then we talked a bit after I got the lump out of my throat.
I thought she had understood I did not want a divorce, and would do everything I could to return her trust along the way.
So again I explained that I have an appointment with the VA for the Booze issue, and broke the news that I have a strong possibility of bieng hired on at a better job, that payed better, and had fewer hours, and was working to change my patterns and way of thinking now that my brain isn't addled half the time, and looking to get addled the rest of the time...
Made plans to help her Mother out this Sat. and even asked if she would consider a movie with me.
I thought we had a good evening of it considering, but every time I would mention work on the farm for next season she would roll her eyes, or shake her head...
That just rips me apart.
I screwed up, and it will take time for her to let the hurt I put on her fade, but I gotta keep trying.