Originally Posted by mary35
I can relate to this post, unfortunately! I am in my early 50's. Been dealing with pre-menopause and now actual menopause for several years. Also have done the research, tried hormone therapy, and am now using bio-identical hormone therapy. While it has helped a little - it has not satisfactorily helped all of my sexual issues. I am different than your wife in that I am brain horny all the time and always want to have sex, but like your wife, my body won't always follow the brain and respond like it should.
We are currently in the early stages of seeing a sex therapists. The first thing she told us is to stop trying for orgasms altogether and relax and just concentrate on and enjoy the process. Perhaps you also should not worry about her orgasms any more. If your wife is willing to participate, find other ways to give her pleasure or just let her pleasure you. There are nerve endings all over the body. My husband and I are discovering that sex without orgasms all the time can actually be quite pleasurable in and of itself. And we are learning to be very creative in finding new pleasure zones - for both of us.
Our sex therapists also said that as we go through life, we have to broaden our sex techniques because our body gets bored with the same thing over and over. She said we tend to fall into doing over and over what works the best to make us cum, but with time that one thing that use to work, just doesn't anymore. Our body gets bored with it. So we have to find new ways, try new techniques and just have more sexual fun - not worrying about the end result.
So, we are having to re-invent our sex life now at this age. I agree with you that it is frustrating, scary, and dang unfair. But it is what it is. Don't give up - maybe you could also seek help from a sex therapist. I will let you know if we find any miracles. But I am thinking for now we just have a lot of work (which for me - translates into a lot of sex fun and experimenting ) ahead of us.
Oh - and you are so right about the medical field not being any help. The only thing we got from them was these words - "It's normal. You are just getting older" Just the thing I wanted to hear! Not!!!!!
Like i said in my other posts, having orgasm's is not her problem,never been a problem even now, once she gets in the mood she has them quik enough.
But like you said,maybe she needs to re invent how to get horny..
Porn doesn't do a thing for her.I would try anything worth trying,but it takes two to tango and I am out of idea's.
A sex therapist(i did look into that) might help altough i don't think she will open up to a stranger about her sex life and/or fantasies,heck it took me 25 years to get to know most of it.Note i said most.
But the nearest therapist is 600 mls away.