| | Re: Where to begin? Where to go?
The beginning has already begun and so you know where that took you, the big question is where do you want to go?
I know it doesn't feel like it but your possibilities are only as endless as you make them. I can relate to your post because I, too, am in a transitional state. I think you have to first recognize and decide that you deserve better.
You mention in your first paragraph that the majority of the mess is your fault but I don't see that way and, more importantly, fault doesn't matter in this case. You need to take stock in your life, remember that you only have this one life to live. Is this how you want to live it? It is yours to squander or indulge in as you'd like. When we become the creator's of our own tragedy and then dwell and wither in that tragedy, of course we become depressed.
If you want out, you can get out. If you want to fix it, you can only fix yourself and hope that in turn that prompts him to change. If it doesn't then you can move forward in your life without him.