Quote:
Originally Posted by lostcherub
My hubby did say that he would change how he was with other females and how he thinks and I have to admit I am sceptical on that point, can people really change, but reading your point about your husband changing his boundaries it is not so much about leopards changing their spots but about reassigning certain points in their own life so perhaps, positively thinking, it will work for my husband as it has for yours swedish?
|
Everything your husband is saying and doing is so reassuring to hear. I'm glad he sees your hurt and is commited to making some changes. For us, my husband was sort of at a loss at that point...I think the shock of what he did and me finding out made it difficult for him to even understand how it happened and what to do next. I ended up being the one to initiate the conversation regarding boundaries...in a nutshell if he was saying/doing anything that he didn't feel comfortable with doing if I were there, it was crossing a boundary. He took it a step further and will not engage in personal conversations with women at work or go to lunch with a woman alone (unless it's an outside salesperson or tech person in which case he tells me)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostcherub
Is it normal to start comparing yourself to the other person?
|
YES! YES! YES! totally normal.
Interesting that in nearly everything I read up on this, the physical appearance of the woman typically had little to do with it. It was some other draw...emotionally available or the sexual excitement/rush, but not looks.
A few months after my husband's EA I went to his work Christmas party...and since she would be there I made sure to look great...she actually looked 'frumpy' which was at first confusing to me but it was better than the alternative I guess
So, even though it's normal, it most likely is the last thing you need to worry about. The only thing he probably struggled with is the thrill of it all and if he is taking steps to put boundaries in place, you are in a good place. But drac is right, feeling good and confident about yourself is a beautiful thing. It took me some time, but now I think...dang, he's lucky to have me
okay and I him