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sisters359 · 02-14-2011, 10:07 PM

This sounds like pretty classic behavior for someone who is controlling and abusive. He wants you willing to put up with almost anything, and if it takes a box of chocolates every 15 years or so, well, he may not like it but he'll do it.

Do you see how this looks from the outside? His attitude towards therapy says he is smarter than MILLIONS of people who find therapy very useful. It says he does NOT want to change. And no, his behavior doesn't indicate change in the direction you want.

Unless he agrees to counseling and works consistently on the therapist's suggestions and otherwise demonstrates a real commitment to change, I suspect you would be wasting your time to get back with him. Are you in counseling to help you develop perspective? The fact that you don't see his actions as part of the pattern of abusers is worrisome; you need to be better educated on it and a therapist can help you with that. Otherwise you will continue to be a victim, to him or someone else. Good luck.

02-14-2011, 10:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
sisters359 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: SE Wisconsin Posts: 2,471	Re: sweet, or being manipulated? This sounds like pretty classic behavior for someone who is controlling and abusive. He wants you willing to put up with almost anything, and if it takes a box of chocolates every 15 years or so, well, he may not like it but he'll do it. Do you see how this looks from the outside? His attitude towards therapy says he is smarter than MILLIONS of people who find therapy very useful. It says he does NOT want to change. And no, his behavior doesn't indicate change in the direction you want. Unless he agrees to counseling and works consistently on the therapist's suggestions and otherwise demonstrates a real commitment to change, I suspect you would be wasting your time to get back with him. Are you in counseling to help you develop perspective? The fact that you don't see his actions as part of the pattern of abusers is worrisome; you need to be better educated on it and a therapist can help you with that. Otherwise you will continue to be a victim, to him or someone else. Good luck.