In counseling you can demonize him - but still get her to commit to no contact. If it was me I would tell the counselor: "It is obvious he is aggressively pursuing her - I KNOW this guy he WANTS her.
And I would let her respond to that. If she agrees he is, and most important that she needs to go "NC" with him - you have made a big step forward.
If she denies that he is pursuing her and is non-commital about staying completely away from him I would try the soft approach first. I would ask her directly:
"I am not making this about you, I am asking you about him. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me he is not aggressively pursuing a relationship with you"?
I would do the soft, sincere voice for that question. And if she looked me in the eye and lied straight to my face - I would just do the long, painful silence with eye contact. And then same soft, gentle voice.
"Do you think there is any possibility of repairing our marriage without genuine honesty about important stuff like this"?
Originally Posted by MisterNiceGuy
Thanks guys... I don't need some love sick puppy following my wife around. I just checked her email and she deleted the email and emptied her trash before I could get a copy, but I have other emails that aren't as incriminating, but plenty bad. Enough that his wife would still get pissed.
Yes, I have a therapy session tomorrow with her and we have never official put this thing to bed. I will do that tomorrow with the therapist present.
You are right, the first thing she would do is shut down access to everything if I confronted her. Best to keep an eye on it covertly...
I need to mull over my response to this guy. Part of the problem is that I think my wife thinks that we can still socialize with this guy and his wife. You know that may be possible, but not for a really long time... I think my wife needs to know that.