Originally Posted by MisterNiceGuy
Heading to the therapist now. I'm going to play it cool, with emphasis that her communication to this other guy has got to stop if she is taking this seriously. If I don't get a clear plan from her at this meeting about how she wants to move forward then I'm taking the actions outlined above today after the meeting. Then I might start a 180 degree plan if she refuses to cooperate. She did mention last night that I am pushing too hard for a resolution right now that I need to back off a little, but I insisted that in order for us to even think about moving forward she needs to end communication with him. She agreed with me that it is inappropriate to talk with him (but she emailed him a couple times this morning.) She is clearly in the FOG right now... After me not giving enough attention, now she is getting it from two guys in spades and she is probably loving it! Only room for one of us though... Wish me luck!
I'll keep this short.
She's already proven that you cannot believe what she says.
So, no matter what the "outcome" at counseling (which would involve some level of commitment about not indulging the other man), you simply MUST (I don't use that word often) take the battle to the OM.
This guy is all over your wife.
You'll never forgive yourself if you have the ammunition and do not force him to stand down.
The fact that you are not responding to that point leads me to believe that you really don't want to and - perhaps - may be afraid of him in some way.
I'm praying for you.